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no no no 2016 year of the convention attendee 

So now that 2016 will be coming to an end in a few weeks times.  It’s a good time to look over the year and break down the highs and lows of what can be only describes as a somewhat difficult year. While I had some great times this year and some pretty bad times I think it’s best to start with the good stuff first. 

So back in February I got to take part in the first of its kind Irish horror convention called screamvention. Screamvention was an Irish based con organised by o’brien events and had a few stars from the world of horror attending this con. The people that were guests to this event were as follows barbie wilde from the wonderful hellraiser films. Tony Todd aka the candy man Alex Vincent child’s play but to name a few.  Now screamvention was held at the red cow moron hold I’m Dublin and for that last leap year weekend in February it certainly made a good impression on Irish horror film fans. Each guest was only too happy to both meet their fans and promote their work while in turn doing interviews and live Q and A sessions with the audience. When the guests were not doing their Q and A. Each guest took it in their stried in both talking to their fans providing autographs selfies and photos for a wee price.  screamvention also provide wonderful entertainment from the world of the Irish burlesque scene and of course shows were provided for that weekend. With the creme de creme of Irish burlesque talent from the likes of Bella agogo Kat Moiselle and Regina Mc Tigue.  The ladies did not disappoint with it came to their performances.  Each lady provided a signature class piece of their acts and they were both graceful and amazing in everything that they done.  Another highlight of the wonderful screamvention weekend was meeting the two lovely and amazing ladies that when they’re not making horror films that are filled with some much gore and blood that leaves you wanting more were the lovely Jessica Cameron and Heather Doff. Two wonderful ladies with incredible talents when it comes to making brilliant movies and they’re also known for having a brilliant time. Both Cameron and Dorff are faster making their impact on the world of horror and are finally making waves in a community where horror films could be mainly a guys industry.  Cameron runs her own company small town girl productions. Both Cameron Dorff and Wilde did a woman of horror talk while they were at screamvention.  I’ll shall post up the link once again I can’t highly recommend checking out this clip enough. screamvention women of horror interview part 1. I should advise though that there is two parts to this interview.  So here is link two the interviews are pretty damn awesome and well worth checking out. part two of screamvention women of horror

Another highlight of the awesome screamvention was the awesome horror stars from the classic Friday the thirteen movies. Both Kane Hodder and Ari lehman attended screamvention and fir any hardcore fan who loved the Friday the thirteen movies.  These guys certainly did not disappoint. In both promoting their work meeting their fans and doing interviews. These guys were incredibly nice wonderful and lovely to everyone they met. Once again for interviews and news on either the guests and future horror based conventions please check Facebook twitter for updates. 

Kane Hodder 

Ari Lehman 

Sadly though with the amazing ups must come the drop downs. While sadly screamvention have sadly decided to leave the party early and not return fir next year. I do have high hopes to attend a horror convention in Birmingham England which will be happening October 2017 once again this could be a definite maybe as I have to sort out plans for travel hotel and babysitter duties. I do think with screamvention not coming back next year has sadly broken a few horror hearts and let a few people disappointed it’s always best to make up back up plans and make them bigger and better. As I have always said go hard or go home.  

Another convention that I got to attend to this year was the amazing showmasters event Belfast film comic con. The event itself was held in a building near the titanic headquarters and it certainly did not disappoint one bit. Going to Belfast and visiting the city with my bestie did not disappoint one bit. Showmasters really put care and thought in providing guests from the world’s of TV and film and with an impressive guest list that included nightmare on elm Street star Robert Englund among a few other guests too. It certainly did not disappoint. The venue itself was a big building with plenty to see and do. You were never far away from meeting some amazing guests or seeing how they were with their fans. Each guest was surprisingly relaxed and gave you a genuine interest in both talking with their fans about their work. When certain guests were away from meeting fans they were doing Q and A sessions in which fans could ask questions all in a very relaxed atmosphere.  Bfcc did not disappoint in both meeting the guests and meeting fellow cosplayers alike.  The atmosphere was absolutely lovely and you really felt at home while visiting this beautiful place. Another gem that was the highlight of my weekend at bfcc was meeting the cosplay event group superheroes Belfast.  Superheroes Belfast is the brain child of two wonderful guys who I’m only happy to call my friends Andy Baird and Neil Scullion. Both guys have created this company and provide movie quality to attend parry events and even local charities. Each character that they have on their books are both movie and comic book quality. Their characters can vary from the world of superheroes to even Disney Prince and Princess’s to even bad guys that we all know and love to personally root for.  Each character that they have on their books are truly memorising to both watch and interact with. Even a fan like myself who is 21+ plus a bit of vat could not get over her experience of meeting iron-man Belfast.  His suit is film quality and if you ask nicely iron-man will happily pose fir photos interact with you and even maybe do a wee dance for you. For more information on superheroes Belfast please check out their Facebook page and give them a like and share.  superheroes Belfast.  

The only slight downside I had to that day was wearing uncomfortable footwear.  Cosplayers please take note when I say the following always make sure your shoes and or boots that you may have to wear for the event please make sure their broken in. Another tip I would recommend for all cons is to stay hydrated and tomato sure you have eaten enough and that you have enough cash for food and drinks. It’s am important bit of advice I can’t stress enough about. So while we stayed in Belfast we stayed in the premier Inn. Once again a budget friendly hotel with brilliant staff who were only too happy to help you out everything you may have wanted. It was my first time staying in premier Inn and I couldn’t fault my stay even if I wanted too. 
So throughout the year when I wasn’t attending cons I was getting to try out new cosplay ideas and trying to form a plan for next year’s cons.  While certain plans have been set in stone other plans have been out in the maybe pile. I can definitely promise though you will see a lot of harley quinn with her trademark mallet. My costumes though might differ but I can promise that retro harley quinn is making s come back and she’s definitely for keeps. 

MCM comic con 

Another con that I got to attend to this year was MCM. Now as we all know MCM has a bad reputation from both hardcore convention fans and those who hate the company. I’ll keep this short and sweet.  While it’s my second time attending MCM it hasn’t caused me any upset.i got to visit MCM this year once again. With my bestie and he had to Road test his deadstroke cosplay. MCM is held at the rds main hall and once again I just went along with the day itself and kept an open mind. It had some pretty wonderful guests from the world of film and TV. Each guest took it I’m their stride in both meeting and interacting with fans. The event itself had a lot of stalls in where you could buy keep sakes for yourself but again when you visit any convention bare in mind you will have to pay for stuff at convention prices. Once again I have no hate to MCM and I felt as though while it has got a bad reputation over the years thanks to negative feedback from both the attenders and other writers.  My advice for anyone attending either be it this con or other cons go in with an open mind and plan and make the day yours. I had a pretty good day and there was plenty of room to move in and there was chill out areas too.tge changing rooms were clean and both staff and guests were absolutely lovely to talk and were only too happy to assist you with anything you may have wanted to do or see. 

Dublin comic con 

So after a short break I got to attend Dublin comic con. Now with Dublin comic con being in its fourth year it seems to only get stronger with each passing year and the guest list gets stronger and stronger.  From the likes of the walking dead scrubs and American pie each guest that did attend dcc did not disappoint at all. While I sadly didn’t get to meet any guests this year. It was wonderful once again to see them interacting and being around their fans. Dublin comic con have decided to stay in the convention centre in Dublin city once again and it’s certainly paying off. As fans far and wide travel to here and attend this wonderful convention. The cosplayers that I did get to meet had very interesting cosplays and with the likes of American horror story suicide squad and batman vs superman.  It’s fair to say that the Irish are really upping their game with each convention and year passing.  

So that’s a wrap for the year that was 2016 the year of the con. While some parts are the year were absolutely amazing. There are some bads I would rather not bring up and if I could turn back time I would have changed a few things but again that can’t happen.

Huge thanks to my bestie at soulless chameoleon cosplay for sharing this convention year with me. Here’s hoping that we will do a lot more of this in 2017 and here’s hoping we both hit the ground running. 

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Posted by on 12/10/2016 in Uncategorized


Suicide Squad movie review 

Hi guys sorry for my very long absence of late from my blog page.  After a long due kick in the butt I have decided to come back to writing full time and I shall be starting with my review on the new suicide squad movie.  Once again this post will be spoiler free and photos used in this piece I got from Google images and I shall be using my own photos too.

So last Wednesday on the 8th of August I went to see suicide squad with my bestie.  The savoy cinema Dublin held an amazing event in welcoming everyone.  The entertainment provided that night was thanks to Dublin city comic books and collectables and a few familiar faces we all know and love from the Irish world of cosplay.  Pixie stixx and her squad provided an amazing opportunity to get awaiting guests to take photos with and the savoy provided a beautiful set up for the film premier with stands and pictures of the cast from the movie.  Everyone i got to meet before the film were in great form and we’re absolutely excited to see the movie.  

Pixie stixx cosplay and her friends 

After a bit of the usual trailers towards upcoming films we finally sat down got comfy and watched the must anticipated suicide movie. The movie certainly opened up with a bang gorgeous opening titles fantastic colours and introduced each character with a lot of fun and pazzez.  

We first get introduced to each character in a set of small stories and each character to how they all ended up in prison. Each story for each character is interesting as the next and when finding out the story of all our misfits of society you can’t help but warm to each one instantly and you feel like that you can relate to each character and you also feel like you could root for them. 

Viola Davis as Amanda Waller 

Viola Davis from the how to get away with murder TV series plays an absolute blinder of a role in playing the intelligence operatorative amanda waller. while been in a restaurant and introducing each character to the table with her colleagues you know from the start this is a lady you don’t wanna mess with. Viola plays a tough strong character and is absolutely exceptional in telling the story of all the characters and what they have done to get into the slammer.  

Will Smith as Deadshot 

Now this is the part where it gets interesting when the back stories of each character gets going on first meeting deadshot who is a gun man for hire in while his character could play God in choosing in werether you live or die he also has a soft side in the shape and form of his wee daughter. While deadshot is on a job we see flashbacks of his relationship with his daughter. Will Smith’s portrayal of deadshot is nothing short of excellent he’s really beefed up for the role in the movie in both physically and acting wise. He’s really good at playing deadshot and he really works well with our misfits even though we are a lone gunman.  

Jai Courtney as captain boomerang 

While the movie plays out we get to meet a range of different characters.  Captain boomerang is next and he’s an absolute nutter of a guy and you guess it he throws boomerangs and likes to rob banks and take big money with him too. Jai Courtney what can I say the man is absolute joy to watch along with his wee sidekick pinky the unicorn.  He even had a few one liners which made me giggle a lot he’s just like a cheeky Australian guy. 

Jay Hernandez as El Diablo 

As the film unravels we get to meet a few more characters.  We get to meet El diablo a former street gang guy who has the power to set things on fire.  Who has also has a few dark secrets himself. Jay Hernandez plays an absolute blinder on playing the social misfit who who doesn’t want to fight but is happy to hang out with the gang. 

Adewale Akinnuoye Anak as killer Croc 

We also get to meet the big crazy killer Croc. Killer Croc lives up to his name of being a mutant that is incredibly strong and is a cannibal who has to be fed by the guards at a safe distance while living in a sewer part of the prison. He also has a skin condition that has given him his signature mutant look.

We also get to meet Rick Flagg who in turns works along side with both waller and the suicide squad gang and he plays the role of making sure everyone stays in line and executes the mission with fine precision. We also see flash backs of Rick in working with our misfits in prison scenes. 

Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flagg 

Jared Leto and Margot Robbie as joker and Harley Quinn 

We also get to meet a few familiar faces of the squad in the shape and form of both harley quinn and Mr J himself. Margot Robbie played an absolute blinder in the role of harley quinn and certainly got into the role and pulled absolutely no punches in how she brought a classic dc character to life. Robbie brought a lot to the table in playing a crazy psychotic crazy who also has a soft side and is absolutely besotted with her puddin.  Jared Letos intake of the joker was ok but again we didn’t get to see enough of his character onscreen to make an impact on the film. The crazy couple are shown in how they romance developed in a serious of flash backs.  While the writers of the film tried to stay true with the romance from the comics I personally didn’t feel much of it 

Katana played by Karen Fukulana 

We also get to met katanna. She gets to tag along with the gang at later stage of the film. She acts as kyles go to girl and us a martial arts expert who is very experienced in using a sword and will not think twice of slaying you first and asking questions later. 

Enchantress Cara Devevinge 

We also get to meet the alluring enchantress/Dr June moone who is played by model turned actor cara devevinge.  She plays an archaeologist while on her travels finds the statue and decides to open up not knowing that she has unleashed an ancient evil force that turns her into a powerful and evil sorceress. With great power comes great responsibility and hell have no fury when anyone dares to confront or fight the sorceress. 

This is where the suicide squad comes in they have to put their plan into action and stop the evil enchantress.  Now with both training and getting to grips with the equipment they have been given thanks to Rick kyle.  The gang of misfits get to work and try and save the world from a potential unpredictable doom and gloom. 

While I enjoyed a lot of aspects of suicide squad there is too many to mention without giving spoilers away. I feel as though the films directors added a bit too much and rushed into adding too much scenes with either little explanation. Certain aspects of the film didn’t needed to be added in. As regarding jared Letos take on the joker i felt that his portrayal of a classic evil character felt a little one sided.  We didn’t get to see much of his character onscreen and I feel as though when he was on screen it felt a little rushed. While Jared Leto is a fantastic actor we can only hope that more will be added to his story. If there were to be a sequel to this film.

Overall I really enjoyed the film I loved how they pulled it all together in a nice little package and paid homage to the classic suicide squad comic books. This film had everything and more a killer soundtrack awesome actors for each role.  It will be certainly going into my blu ray collection when it’s out. My review of this film is nothing sort of honest.  If you haven’t seen suicide squad go see the film and enjoy it. Just try and not read into the reviews and believe the negative press that it was given.  The bad reviews were absolutely uncalled for if I be honest.  A negative review is just a poor reflection on the reviewers mindset.  I give it 4/5.

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Posted by on 08/11/2016 in Uncategorized


all good things are coming to an end

So this is a kind of sad bitter sweet piece to write. No i am not quitting the blog to move to pastures new and raise mountain goats and cows and a team of well trained border collies while my husband tends to his own business at home while i raise and train the puppies (but still a girl can dream of an easier simpler life). But of late i have noticed well a lot of groups as in bands are breaking up. It was of kind of a surprise when i head about my friends group breaking up. I cant say names due to privacy reasons. But sadly on FB a statement more or less saying me and K**** are breaking up i do wish him all the luck in the world the night that me placed in the named location will be our last gig. Thanks again to all who came and supported us your support is greatly appreciated. Now when i heard this news it made me sad. It was the 2nd band who will have well disbanded and moved on. I know of another person who left a high profile group who are now rocking up the itunes charts now and they are from my home town.

Now while the said group are rocking and storming up itunes the person who left the band is now well comfortably doing a few gigs here and there. On my way home from the city today i saw them perform and thought yeah ok they are good however why or what was your decision to leave this said group. Now sadly in well recent times of late. I have decided to well take a different course of writing and not well review any more gigs. My reason for this is mainly because i cant seem to find good groups that are worthy of my attention and ahh people are not exactly coming forward to be the main stars of this page. But enough about groups making it and breaking it. The subject matter in question is this? Why give up give in or move away from something that does not make you happy anymore.

Now if i dare tempt to play with fate i have always believed in if certain things do not enlighten you make you happy or serve you of no purpose value or if it does not make you happy anymore than leave it be. Now i have taken a back seat of late with a few certain things and here is my reasons why. I have been recently down and its 17 months since a close person that i loved so much left me for well the reunion in the sky with other family members and pets. In saying that i have decided look this is not going to kill my desire or joy for the things that i love doing. I am now determined to get back to my game and own it and fine tune it and play it my way. But say jesus i decided look ok i’m calling time on writing im calling time on my photography and spending time with my nearest and dearest in the city. I think it would be one of those well dear john letter kind of situations. But when i took my step back from everything i felt relaxed and relieved. I felt like that there was no unspoken pressures put on me there was no need to hit deadlines at certain times and i felt like i could breath.

But what if i never got back to what drives me and makes me happy. Would i have started anew again like people past and present have done. In my case i dont think so. I think if im not happy i change things around to suit me and me only. But it would appear sadly of late people are chopping and changing everything about. Now that i think about it its kind of messing up the order of everything. I know some people keep logs in their houses and a picture of how everything is suppose to be at a said time and date. No offensive when i say this but that maybe is not a good thing to have not anymore. I can happily admit now that i will try and go forth with my own ideas and more. But those people who give up the game or the race so soon are not benefiting but i would say more so loosing more than they could gain. Once again this is what i think im not right nor am i wrong. But i do think if i love and care for something or someone i fight for it and work things out. I just dont give up and walk away it serves no one when that happens.

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Posted by on 07/18/2013 in Uncategorized


flipping the kill switch

break up

This break up was brought to you by our sponsors facebook

So as you may know in recent times i met someone from my past and if i do remember correctly i posted up a piece on this matter some blogs back and well since than recent things have developed so i wanted to well make it read worthy and just had to get it out of my system.

Now the other day i met my ex’s friends in a local fast food restaurant and decided to sit with him and his kiddies and shoot the breeze while he was tending to his chiselers as you do on a busy Tuesday morning. It wasnt my intention to talk and stay long with the friend but i always did have time for this person in question. So after a quick coffee and scooping up one chiselers at a time. It turns out that well my ex was not entirely honest when it came to a few events that happened well in recent times. You see the ex apparently told a few other people that i asked him for a second chance but once again just to clarify things i didn’t and with that i had to clean up this mess once more. Once i had cleared up a few things with the friend i walked away with my head help up high.

But here is my question to you all. Should we as people always feel the need to have ghosts of our past hanging around and lingering about like a bad presence or worse still like a bad smell. Here is my views on what i think about this matter. Anytime i meet someone and i date them things go ok and everything is ok. but say through no fault of my own and say things dont work out i just break up with them and move on. I delete them from my facebook i take out all pictures that reminded me of happy times and yes even i get rid of their numbers from my phone and here is my reason why to rash decisions and actions. I just think the quick getting rid of everything movement is not a self defensive move its more like hmm ok i dont need this bs following me around and i also need to think about things and about my own life.

What i dont understand is when people like to keep lingering on in the past and keep mementos of things that may remind them of them and that time that they were in that made them happy. Its now even made worse on social networking sites. I now see with people getting together and splitting up there is pics that may have been tagged on their sites and with that comes up the curious cat in all of us the one that feels the need to check out the pics and comments and cue yes the stomach churning questions that come with looking at past posts such as is she prettier than me do you still have feelings for her/him and i wont even go there with the rest of this. But you see this is why i flip the kill switch.

I like to think of deleting past photos and servering ties with the past because it may not serve as any purpose in the future. I know this may appear as heartless but hey a girl has to do what shes gotta do in order to survive in this world and most importantly in this life. Now sadly this may also mean i may loose friends over this strongly opinionated piece of work but im choosing to stick to my guns in this stance. Does it make me selfish no does it make me a bitch no it just makes me more saner for doing this sharp and rash move and it also saves me a fortune in therapy bills as well.


Posted by on 06/26/2013 in Uncategorized


the heartless and uncaring that dont wanna show they care

So last night and well for the last while i have been throwing this piece backwards and forwards in my head so after a long while i have decided that today it will get an airing and a viewing for all my readers now i have had to tweek some details names and locations here to protect the privacy of others and ohh just in advance i give writing ideas and credits to sex and the city and emmett j scanlan and kieran richardson from tvs hollyoaks.

Here is a brief clip from sex and the city and really it does show you what happened when certain people close up that wall.


Now this is how i came up with the idea for this piece. A little while back a good friend of mine got into bit of mess and was very sick. Now being the caring person that i am i took the time out of my own life to look after them. Now the illness was pretty serious so when i got the call that they were very sick i didnt needed to be asked twice to look after this person. So i made my excuses and headed out to my friends house with supplies and even took over a night bag with me. I also made sure that things were ok here eg dog was going to be ok with sitter and also made sure all my work was handed in and than also made sure than people who needed me urgently would get me via mail and text.

Now when i came to visit my friend they were in a sorry state so i took it upon myself to look after them made sure they were ok and got them supplies as well. It was than after a little while of tlc fluffed pillows and a bit of well house work and what not they got better. But all the while this all happened  They made the mistake of telling some people of his illness on a social networking site. So again it didn’t really help things it just really hindered them more than anything. Cue idiots saying ohh your faking it and ohh god you really are misfortuned and so on. But it was only told to me in recent times that not only was i the only person who dropped everything to make sure he was ok but i was the only person who rang them back made sure they were ok and demanded that they go to hospital with their illness. So the big question was asked. Why did you do all that for me? It was than i gave the answer your my friend and i care for you and i’m sorry but i would have done the same for you even if i didnt speak to you. Also i did all of the about because i do have a heart and yes i do care a great big deal about you. Im not a nameless or faceless person who only shows interest in your life when it suits me no im a person who cares and well i feel as though that its my right to be there for you and even look after you when you do get sick.

It was than after i had this talk with my friend i came to the idea that well people who do care about other people and other things that maybe passionate about could end up more or less hurt in a lot of ways. I know and have seen it in my own past that i do sometimes end up getting hurt in the end. But i know with my friends circumstances i went in fully prepared and did what i could at that give situation in order to make sure that they were ok. But i do have a question now that well may bite me now so here is my question? Why do people that show a caring side sometimes yet always get hurt. I think its mainly due to the fact for when you do decide to show a caring side towards others they can either see it as a weakness or in some cases a way to take advantage of someone. I do know in the past with well bad choices in men i was not so great in choosing them and when it came to certain things like fights breakups and even rows i was always the one who asked the same question why in the name of sweet h christ cn you not care about me. Why do i always have to be the one that shows you compassion affection even at times love. Why is it that you have this wall around you.

It was only in recent times i found out the answer to this and it was a sad one. It was through a tv show i found the answer to this question. The show in question is hollyoaks and the relationship was centred around ste and brenden. Ste is a young guy who is openly gay and brenden is an irish man who is also gay but could never admit to his lifestyle in fear of what people may say. Now through out the time of the shows beiween benden and ste you could see a somewhat great romance developing but yet there was always strong issues of well feelings and challenges that faced them on a day to day basis. Now when brenden started to show ste any kind of affection he would than slip into his bad ways and than start taking his anger out on ste which is wrong. But when you see what happened in brendens past brendens character was abused as a child by his father you can not help but feel sorry for brenden but i have to say i dont condone violent behaviour but sometimes it would appear we all have each others angels and demons to well deal with and work with them in order to get things done.


Brenden and Ste photocredits digital spy…

But here is my question to you all. Is it ever right to well put up a wall around people and close it up for when people want to get close to you. I think not because i was and well still can be a right stubborne little madame when i want to be. But it was only in recent times  i had to give up the stuborn because well it was good for my own sanity and my own relationships here.  But hey its working out me so far so good just hope and pray and i can do this all and soon.


Posted by on 04/11/2013 in Uncategorized


a year on and your still gone away from me.



broken heart



So its been exactly to the year now that my mum gemma has passed away and its been a year of ups and downs and at times even conflicting emotions and also finding out about who i am and where i go from here.

its also been a tough year as well and it goes without saying that i do love and miss my mum a lot and still think about here in my every day thoughts and yes i still do even dream of her and even at times get certain things in my shopping and always go along with the thing of ohh i know mum would like this.

But in saying this now a year on it makes me think of this time last year as well. When my mum sadly passed away i didn’t think that i did well have the opportunity to well grief properly and in a way through out the swings and roundabouts of life i had to really well force myself into things and half heartily agree with certain things and changes in my life. But now that sadly shes gone away exactly a year to the date looking back at the last 12 months i think personally myself i have done ok under the circumstances i do think however though that i have let the side down and let things slide but i am getting back to my normal self and do actually try to well get things done in my own life according to my way.

But i do know a few things that did happen and in way im glad that it well did happen. No 1 would be people can make you and break you and sadly will drop you just like that and that can even include close friends that literally held you up when you felt like falling down.

No 2 its not really acceptable to cry in front of strangers. Well i did have my weak moments but hey if you cant deal with sum1 crying right in front of your eyes than you need a lot of help with your own issues.

No 3 Even friends that you may have met 5 minutes ago can make the world of difference and they do this in by being patient and listening to you talk about your loved ones that may left you.

I dont think it would be right for me to say ohh yeah my mums death hasnt effected me in the way that it did but it has made me think about who i am becoming as a person. I am getting stronger and wiser but again this will all take time and i only will do this at one day at a time.

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Posted by on 12/03/2012 in Uncategorized


ghosts of our past



So as you may all know an inpending anniversery of a dearly loved and lost loved one that belong to me is coming up in exactly two weeks time. So on the 3rd of december it will be one year to the day that my mum well went to her final place up in heaven and no doubt she had dad waiting for her there. So i shall be writing this piece in both their honour and it also helps that i have been thinking about her mostly of late. So here goes nothing.

So its been a year since mum left me and have to say if im being brutely honest here it hasnt been exactly the most fun year i have put in. Between the crying the lying the temper tantrums and also screaming matches i still can actaully say that i do still miss my mum a lot. I think if anything what i have learned in this past year is the following. If you say to someone shes in a better place you are most likely to get yelled and even at times punched at. Time is well a sort of good healer but can pass by like a ticking clock that is loud annoying and you just want to take the batteries out so you can stop hearing it. Also it does help to deal with your issues and or inner demons to your own ways and not to listen to others.

I think in a way mums death could have nearly killed me but it didnt. It kind of made me sad really. Sadly a lot of people dropped me a some people even just plain avoided me and even at times they question the very being that was me. When it came to doing things that were out of character example one being well wearing her hoody. Well why not wear her stuff its a reminder of her and she would have wanted me to wear it. But i think though i am dealing with her death well in the right way. I mean i dont remember been given a hardbook on the dummys guide of dealing with a beverment but i have to say i deal with her death the best way i can.

One example of me dealing with her death is by remembering the good times and the little things she did. I always remember the little efforts that she did for both me and shep and even now to this day miss her checking in on me when im in bed asleep at night. But what i really do miss about her is her little ways of doing things her little shuffle moments in the kitchen making her little sandwiches and always taking the dog into her room and watching her house and walking dead shows.

But of late though i have been thinking about her a lot and with my own personal issues going o at the present moment i know she would litterly kick my arse and say ohh jesus christ get it together already and stand up for yourself. Even though she was only 5 ft 3 inches she would still go thru with her tongue lashings and a clip across the ear.

But i think though since her death i have lost a huge part of myself and have become withdrawn and distant as anything. I have even lost weight and even at times lost who i am as a person. I have let certain things slide and in a way i have and did loose control in a bad way a few times. now does this make me a bad person no. It makes me well think im not perfect but i think i would need to well get myself back together and soon as only i can put myself back together and not fall apart again.  In saying this though i have to say i am grateful for the people who have been there for me and even well given me chances even when other people would have walked away. Some would call this a blessing i think when it comes to me having these people in my life its just really sheer luck of the draw.


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Posted by on 11/23/2012 in Uncategorized