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lost for words and everything in between

17 Jun

So it would appear of late i am yet again going thrpugh the yearly slump in where nothing is going on. After the incredible high of being in bloom in the phoenix park with my cosplayer friends im now feeling flat. Now even the sheer thought of purchasing my mumford and sons tickets next week can even pick me up. I dont know once again why this is for. I guess im just feeling lost and massively confused. I did however found out that its now exactly a year to the date that a handsome laughing chavlier popped into my life turned me upside a few times and always make me laugh with his minion impressions and always fed me good food and always had time for a joke and good smoke. But of late we haven’t well being in touch and that makes me sad. It makes me sad in a way because i enjoy the buzz of being around them and having a laugh. But sadly of late i have once again lost the interest and passion for a lot of things. Im now even a distance stranger on social networking sites and yes even i dont tweet anymore. Yeah im going through the monthly slumps to end all slumps and f**k me i hate the way it makes me feel.

I have now even become a snappy horrible person even the thought of doing certain things now makes me really upset. Like say for one example im suppose to be going air softing next weekend in a world war 2 scenario game and that does not even lift my spirits. So yeah to say the least im not exactly going through a good time once again and yes it is to say the least a complete mind f**k to say the least. But in saying this now i know better than to post up personal stuff on my blog but i do know what needs to be done and i need to well assess everything and more in my life. But like every time i do the assessing part nothing seems to change and i once again am left like feeling a rat on a wheel running around constantly.  To say the least vagab0ndage is is a vicious cycle and seriously needs to get this dealt with and soon.

But you see i kind of feel like that i am at times bending over backwards to please people that i dont even like anymore. I mean i do love the rush i get sometimes for when it comes to going out and well enjoying what i do but of late the buzz is not felt i feel slightly uncomfortable in everything i say do or even touch or even bring up and i now at times cry scream even walk out at situations like this and sadly its killing me hugely. Once again i am reminded that i have brought this subject up again but jesus christ something has really got to give and soon. The way i feel right now i could maybe roll over and give up on everything and not even care anymore. I so do not want to do this but jesus christ what other option do i have. now even writiong up on this tough issue again is making me feel uncomfortable and i think it would be high time to well asses everything and keep whats worth fighting for and throw away whats not worth having here. so wish me luck on this.

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1 Comment

Posted by on 06/17/2013 in daily rants

 

One response to “lost for words and everything in between

  1. lisaleelu

    06/23/2013 at 11:48 am

    I really hope your okay sweetie x Things will get better, just know that I am always here to talk to as ya friend 🙂

     

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