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when trying sometimes isn’t maybe enough

31 Mar

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What do you mean i dont try i do try. Ahh but you see you never try with me i think somethings you can not be arsed to do anything. When you do decide to do this little thing called trying and putting in the effort than get back to me. That was the last i heard from a friend of mine. It was words like that me me think huh thats it than.

Sorry i better rewind here a little while back i have been going through a pretty tough time of late and well in the last few months i have been in my vicious circle of arguing screaming crying than if i can see clearly through it all a little bit of a truce and time out is called. But than again it all starts again and yes even at times i feel like putting down the ammo and walking away from it all. but if i do say for example i walk away than who is to say to me ohh you blew your last chance with me so get f**ked and leave me alone.  It does go without saying we all have each others and can yes even be each others angels and demons and it really depends on what side you feed in order to get a good idea in where and how we get things done.

But sadly of late i have been feeding the demons and giving into their every whim and even sneered out comments dagger eyes with dirty looks and even the whole fuck you world thing as well. I guess i don’t have an explanation  for this bs bad behavioral  I just sadly think hmm ok maybe im feeding this demon maybe because i dont deserve happiness. sadly this demon has made me into a horrible nasty  narcissistic evil little head spinning w****. In saying this im no way proud of this feeling and i feel like f**k me why do i let this happen.

In saying this though the ancient indians still now to this day say the following we have 2 wolves inside the good wolf wants love compassion happiness and well will do anything to keep that happiness. The bad wolf though is evil mean sad and thinks its ok to use and abuse others and run them into the ground. Now this would also all depend on how and which wolf you feed and there fore it will make you more aware of the life you may lead and the choices that you make.

But in saying this though it is at times very hard to tread the board so to speak and yes even think ok i need to make a change to things and soon because i know that i will be lonely sad bitter and even on my own. Now that i say that i even get filled with my own sense of dread fear and sadness as well which does make me think. Yes i need to seriously change for the better and soon. Wish me luck in this

 

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1 Comment

Posted by on 03/31/2013 in daily rants

 

One response to “when trying sometimes isn’t maybe enough

  1. erotik chat

    04/20/2013 at 3:56 am

    This erotik chat is precisely the ideology that underscores repressive dictatorships where a woman committing adultery is publicly stoned or a woman is not permitted to come out of the gate, and the next is effortless.

     

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