So its been exactly to the year now that my mum gemma has passed away and its been a year of ups and downs and at times even conflicting emotions and also finding out about who i am and where i go from here.
its also been a tough year as well and it goes without saying that i do love and miss my mum a lot and still think about here in my every day thoughts and yes i still do even dream of her and even at times get certain things in my shopping and always go along with the thing of ohh i know mum would like this.
But in saying this now a year on it makes me think of this time last year as well. When my mum sadly passed away i didn’t think that i did well have the opportunity to well grief properly and in a way through out the swings and roundabouts of life i had to really well force myself into things and half heartily agree with certain things and changes in my life. But now that sadly shes gone away exactly a year to the date looking back at the last 12 months i think personally myself i have done ok under the circumstances i do think however though that i have let the side down and let things slide but i am getting back to my normal self and do actually try to well get things done in my own life according to my way.
But i do know a few things that did happen and in way im glad that it well did happen. No 1 would be people can make you and break you and sadly will drop you just like that and that can even include close friends that literally held you up when you felt like falling down.
No 2 its not really acceptable to cry in front of strangers. Well i did have my weak moments but hey if you cant deal with sum1 crying right in front of your eyes than you need a lot of help with your own issues.
No 3 Even friends that you may have met 5 minutes ago can make the world of difference and they do this in by being patient and listening to you talk about your loved ones that may left you.
I dont think it would be right for me to say ohh yeah my mums death hasnt effected me in the way that it did but it has made me think about who i am becoming as a person. I am getting stronger and wiser but again this will all take time and i only will do this at one day at a time.