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Monthly Archives: November 2012

the awkward moment to end all awkward moments.

awkward-moments04

 

So has any1 ever put their size 5s in a sitaution that could have been easily avoided ahh come on own up who has well made things a little awkward for themselves by saying something that is embarrassing and yet at times awkward and left you with that feeling of ohh please let the ground open up so it can swallow me up whole. Nope i dont have any takers do i?

Well it turns out that i have been known to do this like make embarrassing remarks and give smart ass answers which well leave people more confused and even at times they even think ohh ok i will get this done for you now. I had one of those moments last week. I was at home after a really long day in college in where i was super exhausted and well i didnt have the energy to do anything at all. When my house mate came into the kitchen and cheerily asked do you want anything in the shop. I than say in a dry way yeah sure can you get me a jet pack sum red bull and maybe get a few more hours added to my day as i need to hand in some college work. he than just looked at me and said yeah ok than. It was than i noted 2 things one they didnt get my sarcastic reference and 2 they have zero personality. But again being a quick smart wit you have to work on it but for me it comes natural.

But what is your left in a non sarcastic situation and well you have landed yourself in a lot of trouble. Well here is sum thing else that developed a little while back. So a really good friend of mine started to date this british chippy guy called matt. Now i have to say im very happy for my friend as well she deserves happiness and well matt seems to be a nice guy who treats her well. Now cue in the jealous idiot who went to school with my friend throwing a spanner in the works.  So apartily my friend and her bf went to dinner in a local resturant in where the idiot girl worked and she got to serve them that night. So while my friend went out for a cigarette she heard her so called friend eating the back off her new beau. Seriously who the f**k does that british chippy think he is and as for her well she could do a lot better. Now my friend didnt sharpen up her nails or go to town by beating up this girl. She just politely went up the girl and said ohh im sorry you dont like British chippy but again he doesn’t really like you all that much and also the service was shite so get f**ked. Cue 5 mins of blind panic i dodnt mean what i said and im sorry from the other girl. Needless to say my friend left with her bf and walked away from the trouble and went home that night.

But when it comes to awkward moments like this how can you ever fix a problem like that. Now  when it come to akward moments can you even fix the problem in hand when the damage is done or should you leave well alone. I have to admit when i have had akward moments i have always managed to fix things and quickly. It would not matter if it was a work or home or even friend situation i have always fixed things quickly. i have always said right ok i f**ked up how do i this without it getting more messier than it is.  In doing this it means im the bigger person and i want to well fix the issue in hand. I think if anything i would only walk away if i didnt care about things anymore.

But here is what i dont get why do people go rail roading into personal situations and well decide in their own minds ok this is now my problem. I know they say a problem shared is a problem halved but seriously why do certain people feel the need to stick their nose in where its no wanted. I think i know the answer to this and here is goes. People sadly want be noticed and to be seen. It reminds me of the old dog story of the border collie who can rewire the house but gets distracted when the poodle blows into this ears i know not a good example but people always feel the need to make thinks out to be more awkward than it is.

I think if and when awkard situations arise i just really prevent them by well not saying anything about it at all. But i think its better to deal with it head on than to have idiots whispering into your ear than sadly behind your back.

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Posted by on 11/30/2012 in daily rants

 

you have to loose yourself in order to find yourself

inspirational piece photo credits google images

So as you may or may know who as i may have said in my last blog piece that it looks like that i may have lost my mojo for certain things. But after the day that has been in it and after a whole lot of quite time and soul searching i am happy to announce that im slowly but surely getting myself back together.

I think the sudden lost for everything that i loved and enjoyed doing dearly was well mainly to well an impending anniversey coming up and also well i have been so hard on certain people of late. Again this goes without saying that i would like to apologize for being this way and i know action speak louder than words.

But i think that you should all know now that im working on 2 inpending college assignments that are very interesting to say the least. The first college assignment is well an inspirational project in where we choice a subject it can be a person or anything that inspires you and makes you happy and spurs you on to well achieve the desired goal and to also well make you feel like yeah it will be all worth it in the end. I decided for my subject i chose shep for this project. Here is my reason why. Shep maybe be a dog in other peoples eyes but hes more than a dog to me hes my best friend the one i talk to when im not around people and is also there for me when I’m sick or if anyone has let me down. He has been a wee tower of strength to me for the last while and i think within the last year alone i could have not doing anything without his little tail wagging and him nudging me to bring him for walks and to also clear my head and well gather my own thoughts in my head. So shep will feature in a inspirational poster with a quote that really sums him up as the awesome dog that he is.

 

 

My furry little dude and best friend shep

Well for my second project i will hopefully be doing a zombie handout guide. It will be a guide on how to survive Dublin during the times of madness when the zombies decide to take over well Dublin and what things you will need in order to survive the madness and i will be also trying to tie in Dublin landscapes that are well known and very popular with  people who are from Dublin and well who visit Dublin regularly so it should be a fun assignment to do.

 

Zombie nurse Credits google images

As for the other non related college assignments i am planning to work on things at my end one day at a time and so far its been good. I have now exercised certain control and restraint and well its been going good. I have to say that i am thankful for the support and kind words of late that i have been getting off others. I know again i deserve less than this but it means a lot to me that people have been willing to support me thru this and more.

So thats really all from me for now i better get back to work as i not only have 2 assignments to finish but i also must finish off the hobbit as well.

 
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Posted by on 11/29/2012 in friends

 

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oii you mind you manners

 

yeah in relation to my pic its so much easier said than done

 

 

So in recent times its sadly been brought to my attention we dont seem to use basic manners anymore and in saying this i think that this subject would be well worthy of a write up and again certain situations and places have been changed to avoid offensive to others.

So why no please and thank you anymore. Well as it would seem we dont have good manners in todays world ohh none at all. Its mainly because certain people that are being brought into this big bad mo fo of a world they all think yeah manners get stuffed im out for myself and out for what i can get so gimme gimme gimme and make it extra large no super size it and make it delux and also wrap it up nicely so than when i do get it i can destroy it again. But you see we are all not that bad. You see in my generation you were brought up with good manners and if you didnt have good manners well you either got sent to your room without supper or you got the death stare,  If you got either in my house you were done for and than some. But you see being raised up nicely and also having good manners to boot as well i always learned to appriecate things more so and well always at times had to give the benefit of the doubt to others who well didnt have this well nice up bringing.

In saying this im not a snob im a D4 girl who well had to live in a small town and well get used to certain things. I have learned to do things with ease and when i dont see things going my way i dont scream and shout and throw a tantrum. No i just make a few deals and try to make the best out of a bad situation and well make a few compromises along the way. But i know with certain people compromise does not even enter into their heads. I know from previous experiences being in the bar trade and other jobs that i have been in i have had to let little things slide and dont even get me started in the dating world.

One great experience of experiencing such bad manners was when i was a wee trainne in my old bar job. I was only a wee pup learning the bar trade and my job was collecting plates and glasses and learning silver service in an old hotel. I dropped down a plate of food to a friend of mine and 5 mins later they had to leave so the plate full of food was left alone. Or so i thought not even a minute pass when i saw a small girl eating the plate of food. I rushed down to the table saying sweetheart this is not yours you cant eat it. She didnt hear me and well her gobby mother arrived saying ahh sure it was left there and its a shame to let it go to waste. I than just looked at her said ok and walked away cursing and hissing under my breath. It was only at my breath i could let off steam. I told the chef what happened and him being a big tall english guy who enjoyed food took a huge drag from his smoke and said this. You should of called me as i dont get paid enough to feed waifs and strays and the f**king parent had no right to talk to you like one and 2 i would have told the mother to get out even though the meal was paid its technally stealing where i come from. Now needless to say it was well one of a few things i encouraged in the bar trade.

Another one that would have you either laughing crying or having you scream at your screen is the one in where a nearly married bride who was suppose to be dancing with her groom is litterly on my shoulder crying her eyes out. Now at this wedding even it was my friends wedding she married her child hood sweetheart and long behold sum little shite has way to many alco pops and decides right i aint getting any attention here so i will break sum windows. Now common courtesy would tell you ok let things slide and also well insurence will cover this and also get a senior member of the family to deal with this. Now if the truth be told my ex bf who i worked with at the time of this event decided to tell the bride out of sheer spite. Now picture this i had the couple laughing had ther drinks flowing and even got them up dancing even her great uncle did michael jackson number with me on the dance floor. but to have that split second of laughing one minute and than to have well a tall bride on my shoulders crying while her hubby was gunning for blood over this mess. it makes you think if and when should you use decorem and coomon sense.  but no when the idiot did this i thought ohh great thanks for that you have no ruined their night you have ruined my chance of getting more work in future weddings and also you could have let it slide. but ohh no his answer was ohh this need to be said. When i heard this i told this little shite in no certain words there is a time and f**king place for this you idiot.

But in the sheer mess of it all i manged to save grace and front and even well kept my job. But getting back to the matter in hand is there such a thing as manners. I would have to say no. I think manners have died out and in recent times its got worse. I was walking thru dublin city last weekend when i experienced the height of rudeness pig ignorence and bad manners. People bumped into me and didmt even say sorry they sadly dont even know how to use umbrellas here and here is the kicker people stand in the middle of a pavement to read a map shock f**king horror. Well being the small size that i am. I litterly did a rugby style run into the crowd blanking out the ows and whats her problem i got thru it but met even worst people in a local record store. One thing that drives me crazy is clingly hlod hands for ever couples. I saw a lot of them there and it was than i flipped and said ohh jesus christ you will blood stop already hes not going to run away on you. but in saying this i did mange to calm down well a part of me did.

But what is it though with today and our lack of basic manners. We dont seem to say please or thank you. we always seem to rob each others cigerettes and lighters and we can even at times get snappy at each other. I think i have the answer we dont really respect each other as people and have no respect for each others space time even propery or things anymore. I think that in my own case im always aware of other peoples space and other peoples times and even at times i have respect for things that they may give me a loan off. In saying that though people are not nice to me for when i lend them stuff. I have been known to be nice but in recent times i have loaned out and lost dvds cds a ghd hair straightner a pair of high heels and even a school bag. I know i will never see these things again but i would either liked them to be replaced or i would want the cash value and an apology for the items that cant be replaced.

But to end my piece i will leave you with this when it comes to every day manners please and thank you are not hard to say and should be said often. A little common courtesy and respect for other peoples things can go such a long way.

 
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Posted by on 11/28/2012 in daily rants

 

its the little things

its the little things

 

 

So it would appear of late i have well appeared to have lost my mojo for a lot of things of late. But lately it would appear that i have well i would not say hit rock bottom but i havent been easy to be around.

If im being honest here i have been flack and well like deadwood and havent been good company to be around of late. i dont know what exactly has happened but after sit down on and a long session of thinking i think i may have found the answer to it all.

Its simple i have well lost the taste and well have loet so many things slide and its all thanks to negative and bad energies around me. Now i know that its bad that i should be placing the blame on other things and not accepting responablity for this sudden crash in my life but i think that i need to really owe it to myself to well stop this in its tracks and not let it happen anymore. but in saying this its easier said than done.

In recent times i have and to quote a friend of mine a bear with a sore head and i havent put in the energy and effort into certain things and ina  way im sad to say that i should not let this happen at all. I think if im being honest here with myself i would need to step back and think right ok whats the best thing to do for me.

Now its not being selfish if i have to give up certain things that maybe dragging me down but i have to save myself more than anything before i get caught in this downward spiral and well these changes need to happen and soon.

FYI its not drastic changes im going for but it has to be more about who i want and need in my life and also who will be there to well nurture love and respect me and let me blossom as a person.

Stay tuned and i will try and keep you all updated if and when i do get news on this matter

 
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Posted by on 11/26/2012 in daily rants

 

ghosts of our past

 

 

So as you may all know an inpending anniversery of a dearly loved and lost loved one that belong to me is coming up in exactly two weeks time. So on the 3rd of december it will be one year to the day that my mum well went to her final place up in heaven and no doubt she had dad waiting for her there. So i shall be writing this piece in both their honour and it also helps that i have been thinking about her mostly of late. So here goes nothing.

So its been a year since mum left me and have to say if im being brutely honest here it hasnt been exactly the most fun year i have put in. Between the crying the lying the temper tantrums and also screaming matches i still can actaully say that i do still miss my mum a lot. I think if anything what i have learned in this past year is the following. If you say to someone shes in a better place you are most likely to get yelled and even at times punched at. Time is well a sort of good healer but can pass by like a ticking clock that is loud annoying and you just want to take the batteries out so you can stop hearing it. Also it does help to deal with your issues and or inner demons to your own ways and not to listen to others.

I think in a way mums death could have nearly killed me but it didnt. It kind of made me sad really. Sadly a lot of people dropped me a some people even just plain avoided me and even at times they question the very being that was me. When it came to doing things that were out of character example one being well wearing her hoody. Well why not wear her stuff its a reminder of her and she would have wanted me to wear it. But i think though i am dealing with her death well in the right way. I mean i dont remember been given a hardbook on the dummys guide of dealing with a beverment but i have to say i deal with her death the best way i can.

One example of me dealing with her death is by remembering the good times and the little things she did. I always remember the little efforts that she did for both me and shep and even now to this day miss her checking in on me when im in bed asleep at night. But what i really do miss about her is her little ways of doing things her little shuffle moments in the kitchen making her little sandwiches and always taking the dog into her room and watching her house and walking dead shows.

But of late though i have been thinking about her a lot and with my own personal issues going o at the present moment i know she would litterly kick my arse and say ohh jesus christ get it together already and stand up for yourself. Even though she was only 5 ft 3 inches she would still go thru with her tongue lashings and a clip across the ear.

But i think though since her death i have lost a huge part of myself and have become withdrawn and distant as anything. I have even lost weight and even at times lost who i am as a person. I have let certain things slide and in a way i have and did loose control in a bad way a few times. now does this make me a bad person no. It makes me well think im not perfect but i think i would need to well get myself back together and soon as only i can put myself back together and not fall apart again.  In saying this though i have to say i am grateful for the people who have been there for me and even well given me chances even when other people would have walked away. Some would call this a blessing i think when it comes to me having these people in my life its just really sheer luck of the draw.

 

 
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Posted by on 11/23/2012 in Uncategorized

 

times like this we learn who we really are

 

 

 

So of late i havent been really going thru a good time and to be exact. it has been a non stop roller coaster of emotions of late. FIrst im up than im down. One minute i love you next minute i hate you one minute i want to cuddle you next mind i want to kill you. Now you obiviously get where im coming from right. BUt i have to say without saying names i have had a few good friends that have litterly stood by me thru the test of time and even stood by when i litterly did the exorist 360 headspin while spewing green vomit. Now i bet your all going to ask what exactly is going on. If the truth be told a certain anniversery is coming up and im well having the hardest time dealing with everything. BUt if im being honest here and with myself. I think this bad behaviour is mainly due down to my own insecurities and also the feeling of loss sadness and pain that im going thru.

Now have to say that my friends have been more than good of late with late night talking sessions and also having the comfort of them being there for me when i have been an absolute bitch to them has been good for me and in a way i must have good friends as they havent left me of late. But here is the other side of the coin.

I have to say in my better days im always there for people. whether its issues regarding their personal life bfs/gfs even maybe job issues. I always crack up the wine coffee or beer and get them to spill their guts. After the talk we than come to a answer for the problems and than try and fix them. But of late a certain people that i know hasnt really well been there. I decided to talk to them the other day about this rather personal issue and within 2 mins into the conversation she decided to flip side it on its back. ohhh im not having a good day as well. It was than i kind of felt like ahh FFS there is no point in talking to you and i had to walk away from it all.

But when i did walk away i saw a piece of myself in this person. I went out there ages back and well had dinner with a friend and we were casually shooting the breeze when he brought up some1 i didnt really like at all. I than just took a breath and decided to change the conversation it was than my friend said you really need to stop doing this. I looked at them shocked and said stop what exactly. Flipping the conversation on its head. To make it more appeeling to you its a rather an annoying habit you have. So i took all this in and have to say im now working on this matter as i speak.

But here is my question to all of you? when is it or is it not right to bring up such personal its all about me issues. Now i have to admit i have been going thru a hard time but i have my own reasons for it. yes my behaviour was at times sickening shocking and even at times tears were shed and words were screamed out when they never meant to be. but here is the thing even though i have given a few people hell of late they are still here picking me up and putting me back together like an accordian and im sincerly grateful for that.

But i like to think that we are all each others demons and angels its just really a matter of finding out who is who and what part they play. my friend was part demon in sum ways you cant keep doing this dont keep pushing unless you want the wrong reaction but they were also part angel. the angel part of them said i know your hurting but your only hurting yourself and its making things harder and its also making me harder to stick around with you. it was than when all this was said that i decided to take stock of my life and take a breath breathe and walk away.

But in saying this though i am and always will be forever grateful for the time that this person took out in order to look out for me listen to me and even well made sure that i was ok and im more than thankful for this.

 
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Posted by on 11/22/2012 in friends

 

loosing our traditional values i think we are.

 

So after a lot of thinking and soul searching i decided to write a a personal piece on traditional values and how we seem to be loosing them at each day passing.

So as you may recently know it was rememberence weekend there just gone and for the week previous to that i decided to wear a poppy as a sign of respect for my grandfather and great uncles who gave their time in the services. So i put it on my jacket and with help from a friend i got it on and walked thru town and wore my poppy with pride. Sadly though i was greeted with insults was sadly called colourful names and even spat upon by a few people. One thing that litterly nearly killed me was when a complete stranger come up to me and well insulted the hell out of me for wearing my poppy. I have to say after that encounter i ran home in tears crying and was also angry as anything. Now i did my research and looked into the rights and wrongs of wearing my poppy but also when i did my research i felt angry and hurt. It was only in the past week i was made feel better when myself when i saw an elderly gentleman selling poppies by the supermarket and when i talked to him about his charity i brought the incident in question and he told me in no uncertain words if you want to show respect and support than do what you can and wear your poppy with pride. I have to say after the conversation i felt enlightened and happy that his man could support my actions and also not make me feel bad in this.

But im not writing this piece in relation to last weeks issues. I feel that i should write this piece and ask the question of what or where exactly did we loose our traditions and why and what for? I remember growing up in a typical irish childhood in ireland. We always did things with mum and dads guidence advice and blessings. i always remember going to church and well going to see the grandparents going for sunday drives and even when i was at home with mum when i was small she would always hold little parties and play dress up with me and let me friend and me play in her old clothes and play fashion shows. Mum would always say to me though one day you will get older and you wont want to do this anymore. As i got older i played less games and decided to go up. As the years went on less and less traditions were happening in my house and with my family.

As the years went by the sunday drives died down the less frequent trips to the grandparents and than the less times i got to play dress up. It wasnt sad in a way it was a thing of sadly loosing interest and also not making the time to do all these fun things in. It was when i went into middle school and than started secondary school i discovered that i didnt want to do these so called traditions. When i hit my teens i was more about being into myself and finding out who i was and all that other baggage that comes with been a teenager. It was than i would have well disgreements with mum. i would always get the you never go to church and you never make the effort for your friends anymore and also why dont you like certain things now. It was than i gave her the cut off comment i dont care about them anymore. When i said that to her it made her sad and now even thinking about it it does now actaully make me think f**k i should of not said that.

But when it comes to every day traditions you sadly dont see them now in every day life. For example you cant have a army salute or have a rifle on display for memorial day in the uk because of health and safety and it could cause and offend other people. Now when i heard this it made me sad and angry as well. But i think though in a country that i live in that once was so steeped in tradition you kind of have to ask the following. Do i need your permission for this should i worry that it may cause offensive. Nopw i just think sadly we seem to be loosing traditions in our every day lifes.

I think tradition means to me is when i remember certain dates of certain things that happened and that made me happy. I also like to think that i would also celebrate certain events also in my own home and even when it comes to friends and family that may have passed on. I would also like to think that i would also raise a glass to those who may not be here with me by my side but i would remember certain things about them that make me happy and smile when i think of them.

I think sadly in todays world we live in we have no time or room for sentament and that in its self makes me really sad. It kind of breaks my heart in a lot of ways. Now i would not say it nice its just sadly i think that when the next generation comes up and asks me on what they did on certain dates i may not have a answer to give them at all. Seeing as the fact that we now have the internet for all of historys answers which is at times so not right at all. i think its right for me to answer this question will the next generation be asking our elderly folks questions on what happened in todays world or would they go to the trust internet and get their answers there.

But i will leave you with this. A wise young man once said to me who knows what the future holds or more importantly what it hides. My answer to this is who knows how to answer this question at all.

 
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Posted by on 11/12/2012 in daily rants