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For my mum gemma

17 Jun

 

Gemma Jan Dixon Rogers 10 5 1940 3 12 2011 RIP

 

 

Just to say that this piece of music was played at my mums funeral and needless to say its quite a touching piece of music that will always remind me of her and it may also be played at my own wedding but i needs to back a hubby first and i aint rushing into that likely.

 

canon in D original instruments

 

I have been avoiding for the last while in writing this piece as its quite well a very personal piece so after a lot of soul searching and also support from close friends that live abroad and also who live around me in the Dublin area i have decided that today would be a good day to do this piece. Now i think i should really owe a sincere apology to my mum Gemma for this piece mum im so sorry that im only writing this now and yes i know i should have spoken at your funeral but i think that it would be would have not been appropriate to write a piece and say it at your funeral as we only would both get the personal in jokes and little stories that we both had and no one else would get the little parties that you had with mr sheps for when i went out shopping.

When people ask me what my mum was like well she was this she was a truely awesome lady who had the most warmest heart the biggest smile and also had light for your smoke and also had great advice to give to those who would listen to her and come to her in their time of need. My mum was at a late age when had me but when she had my 2 older brothers she was a pretty great mum to both sons. Mum also took the boys to horse riding and give them everything they could want and more. Mum would also reminisce on the time that she met that and how dad picked her up in a very stylish old car and my aunts and uncles would look out the window for when he came to collecting her. My own grandmother even said that mum had great taste in courting dad and i think that both my grandparents were happy for then they got married. My mum would also say that when she had me it was well a great but long and lazy day hee hee but she said your were worth the time the effort and the bloody strong pain killers that i had to take when she had me.

I also remember in growing up with mum she always put lipstick on me and put me in little dresses and treated me like a little princess needless to say i had other ideas when i could come in 5 mins later covered in dirt from head to do by playing with the family dog in the work shed that both parents owned. I also remember when i was younger mum was such an excellent cook and also made the best dishes ever especially for when it came to sandwiches and certain roasts that she would make for all of us.  What i do remember about her best was her kind heart and the way she would also give me hugs and kiss me on the cheek when i fell down and hurt my knee.

As i grew up me and mum had good times and the odd fight but we would always make up and than go back to being best friends. I remember the first time i discovered boys and a very nice italian boy liked me and asked me out right in front of mum needless to say i was scarlett as anything and mum kept asking me that day for all the details whats his name can you speak italian to him ohh hes such a nice and you should ask him over for dinner. Mum always though do spur me on and supported me in everything that i did. I remember doing my both my junior cert and leaving cert she was at that time great to me. She always made she i ate ok and went through my notes with me. When i got the results for my junior cert english paper she litterly screamed in joy and brought me out shopping that day. It was one of the great days of being with mum because she drove at that time to my old school and collected me and we went out for lunch. She was also especially good to me through out the leaving cert and even was patient with me when i had screaming matches with her for when i was trying to study for the maths paper and nothing would stay in. Mum always had this great ability to handle me at my best and to also handle me at my worst as well.

Anytime me and mum had a falling out we would be both stubborn as anything and it would be here to break the ice and well get the how do you say peace talks going. Mum would always nearly get me out of bad form by making nice dishes for me and also buying me new tops dresses cassettes and cds for my music collection. Mum also always had a great sense of style dignity and class about her as well. She would always dress up nice and i would happy fuss over here while doing her hair and make up as well. Mum also loved going to her local pub and shooting the breeze with her friends and having a smoke as well. When the smoking ban came in she said well im fecked if im going out paying 2 40 euros for a glass of water you know. So when mum and i did go out i always put in the time and effort in getting her ready for our special days.

It was only in the last few years of her life she got so sick and nearly died on my twice in hospital. I remember the night that she was taken to hospital due to a ulcer bleed in her stomach and how my elderly neighbour managed to keep me calm and keep me from falling apart right in front of her. It was also good that my neighbour held her hand and kept speaking to her while i paced the floors frantic in waiting for the doctors to come.  Needless to say mum stayed in hosptial for a while and than came home when she got better.

I think though in mums last few years of her life she became tired and sad. She would say things to me and i would always pick up her spirits and tell her to not think or say anything or do anything bad at all. Mum also had that chillout vibe and even discovered nu folk bands and music and had even said if you bring home that guy from mumford and sons i would happily marry you guys in the sitting room and be done with ya. Mum would also always tell me about the dances that she and edward went to and how they always had fun and also had a laugh together. Mum would also tell me about the time she dealt with rather colour characters that she had met in the car trade and how they would ask her for discounts and she would also say well i  fairness i am giving you a deal after all. Mum also once told me the rather funny story of how my dad went out to a party and never came home for a few days. Needless to say edward strolled in the door and of course mum being mad as anything that she was picked  up a platform heel and threw it at edwards direction he than ducked down saying that could of hit you know and she than screamed at him it was f**king meant to ya. Hee hee needless to say they soon spoke again a short while after that.

From what i can remember in moms last few months here she was in such great spirits and also had me in stitches laughing with the dog. Mum had one of those beds in where you could store things underneath and needless to say shep would hide under there. Any time i would ask mum where shep she would say ohh hes in his man tunnel he wants time out from the girls. The girls being me and her of course. But she always would crack me up laughing anytime i went out. She would ring me on my phone and say ohh shep wants to talk to you and i would happily say hi there shep are you a good boy needless to say shep would wag his tail and lick my mums phone and they always had their little parties when i was out of course doing the bits and pieces for her. I think when i got shep first mum never liked him as she didnt want a dog in the house but needless to say they became best friends very soon after i got him.

From what i remember in the last years before my mum died was all shep and her related and needless to say there were funny times. I remember when the chilean miners got trapped in the mines and shep accidently  got stuck under my mums bed and needless to say 4 hours of trying to get the pup out made for funny times. I dont know what was more funny shep howling every 5 mins or mum saying to him you think you have it bad try and be stuck like those chilean lads in chile it was times like that she would always have me in tears laughing and she would be like what are you laughing at and between trying to keep a serious face and also not laughing was indeed very hard to do.

What i do miss about mum though if celebrating the little things in my life that mean a lot to me and more. I recently to meet an idol of mine a few months back matt cardle who won the x factor and needless to say i could not hide my europhic joy of meeting him and i had no one to share this incredible high with.  I also miss in how mum would always check on me at late times of the night when i would be asleep and i also miss the fact of talking to her every day. I also miss the affection and the gentle stroke that show would give me on the cheek and kiss that only a mother gives to her child and anytime mum would do that to me i would be like mum stop that and she would always say look i wont always be here and you will miss that when im gone.

I remember the morning that was our last morning together mum wasnt well and i was in a foul mood to say the least. She asked me to do the shopping for her and i said look can i do it later i have to head into the city for a meeting but she won me around and i did the shopping for her and needless to say i missed the meeting in the city. i came home exhausted tired and sat beside her on her bed and asked her how her day was. She looked tired and weak and said look i dont feel well. I than just casually said look of you need to doctor i will call her and she said no please dont i dont need any1 just let me be and sit with me. needless to say i said with her and she kept sleeping and dreaming and i remember the last time i spoke to her that night and she asked for my father and toby the family dog i just said to her look dad took him out for a walk and he will be back soon i promise. She than said to me look im not going to worry anymore and im looking forward to xmas ok and oh yeah promise me that you wont ever settle for less and please contact that friend of yours ok it would be nice to see ya with sum1. It was that night that while she slept i had to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and even brushed her hair a certain way.

Needless to say when well mum died it felt like the most important part of me died that day. It was without a shadow of doubt such an unbelieveable inpact of a hit that well to this day im surprised that didnt kill me as well. The funeral arrangements and even her funeral was a blur of emotions and seeing and meeting family that i havent ever seen in my life and also trying keep everything into check i was how do you say on auto drive with my own emotions and trying to smile and greet people was the toughest part ever. I was though grateful though for a few  really good friends of mine that well took the time out and supported me and even gave me the kind words of support. I also think that in a way we did give her a good senting off well i like to think that we all did you know.

So im going to raise a glass to my awssome lovely gorgeous lady who loved her smokes her toastys her hollyoaks and corrie and also loved the universal channel shows and who also developed a taste for my own vegan diet as well. There you go mum you cant say i did ya bad now my last word count is 2292 words wow all i can say is that your worth every word love you massively and mr sheps misses you as well.

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1 Comment

Posted by on 06/17/2012 in friends

 

One response to “For my mum gemma

  1. Sugel

    07/07/2012 at 2:17 am

    My best friend bought me my first Willow Tree a few years ago, and I remember always being envious of her collection because she was a mother and I knew I would never get to collect those types. I was told my whole life never to get pregnant or I would die. Well I didn’t listen and I became pregnant anyway. I spent two weeks in a coma after the birth of my son of only 28 weeks gestation. While he lay in an incubator, my husband and friends stood by and watched over us as we slowly healed. The day I woke from my coma my husband presented me the Guardian Willow Tree. My favorite nurse brought me my most cherished though, Tenderness. Needless to say I no longer have to be envious of anyone’s collection, because I have taken the prize.

     

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