frusrating times of pain and loss

25 May

Howyas firstly a bit apology for not posting anything uo of late. I am going thru sum what a difficult time of having to deal with a painful beverment of loosing my dear mum gemma and i have been trying to write her own piece but anytime i try it gets hard and frustrating as well.

So anyhow enough about about my own personal life. So this is whats been happening. I have been going thru sum changes and doing a lot of soul searching. I think though when one has to do soul searching it gets frustrating confusing and your always left questioning yourself about everything. Now sadly in recent times recent times being in the last few months i have become harsh and at times hard to get along with. I have been snappy irritable angry as anything and well at times my mood has been up and down more times than a lift. But here is the deal i have lost my mum suddenly and well you know im coming to grips with not having her here. Now dont get my wrong all my family and friends have been there for me and even my friends abroad have taken the time out of their busy work schedules and have put up with my highs and lows. Now im internally grateful for this and more. But i have to tell you lovely lasses and laddies this. Looks around you dont get a life book that tells you how to deal with grief. Ahh sure you get a book of birth marriages relationships even training you dog but sadly there are is no ohh hey how do you deal with your parent dying book.

Now i have been litterly keeping it together by working on other sideline projects and well spending an unhealthy amount of time on facebook but its a mere distraction in a way. Facebook is a great website to connect with friends and they also help you in dealing with your crisises and emotions. But sometimes in my case it pays to have a good network of friends that you can text tweet call at certain hours of the day and night.

I do think though that i am getting thru things ok but i do have good days and bad days you know after all i am human and i do have emotions and im not afraid to show them. Its just sad in a way when certain members of society dont know how to deal with them at all. I mean i will give you a laugh here i think a few months when i was getting ready for mums funeral. There was a knock on the door and there was a upc guy trying to sell me services. That was i completey wept and cried right in front of him. now to make things worse the guy couldnt comfort me with words or anything he just jumped over the gates and legged it. It was than i thought ohh ok you could have dealt with that problem mr upc guy a bit better. Now sadly i met a dear friend of mine ages back who lost both her mum and dad and she even said in a dry way society has lost its heart especially irish society.

But in a way i have to ask myself in this piece where exactly did it happen as irish people did we loose caring sides. I mean ok folks there is a shite lot of bad stuff going on but where is the compassion gone hey? It cant be just tucked away in the back of our minds and only taken out in times of having a few drinks and crying over being dumped. No i refuse to believe that as a nation of so called caring compassionate people we dont care any more and we cant show compassion to our fellow human being.

I mean i know in my life i have been thru a lot and still have a lot to go thru as well. But you see i do still care a lot about my mum my dad my music career my writing career my gorgeous son and everything else that means the world to me. I guess sadly we have lost our caring side and in a way it kind of sucks you know. But it doesnt not stop me in caring for those who mean the world to me and also i dont stop caring about my rights issues and my music you know. in a way i just hope well one day we do finally open ourselves up and find that caring  side back and soon.

But i also think in being venarable there is nothing wrong with showing a weak side or even showing emotions you know. You know i think in every day life we all show emtions and we are passionate about stuff. its what makes us who we are and more. I guess sadly sum people i know of late just cant really show their emtions and show empathy to a person that may be going thru a hard time you know.


Posted by on 05/25/2012 in daily rants


4 responses to “frusrating times of pain and loss

  1. Séaframach Dáibhis (Jefferson Davis)

    05/25/2012 at 2:20 am

    Thank you, Vikki. Your words were touching and honest. We, including me, forget sometimes that other people suffer just as much as we do. I have noticed my own ill will lately. It’s not just an Irish problem though. It’s a worldwide epidemic. These are some of the most confusing times I’ve ever lived through. But, there is hope. There is always hope for the future. Don’t you give up on it and I won’t either. 🙂

    Keep the blog post coming. Have a grand weekend.

    • vagab0ndage

      05/26/2012 at 7:20 pm

      hi jefferson i would like to sincerly thank you for commenting on my blog. I have to admit its been a while since i have wrote anything but im glad to hear that you enjoyed this piece and i will be writing up a piece once a week from here on in so thanks for the support and encouragement as well. it means a lot to me that people still check out my blog from time to time

  2. Eman

    05/25/2012 at 10:28 am

    When my mother died, the first two months I thought I was in some strange hazy parallel reality. What did I do? I drunk myself silly. After that, I started to do sports. I run myself silly for a few months. What do I do now? I do both, in more or less equal amounts. You are lucky to have real friends, be with them as much u can.

    • vagab0ndage

      05/26/2012 at 7:22 pm

      hi there eman. i think death hits us in different ways. i remember there was a haze of me doing noithing and i was fighting non stop with every1 and also having panic attacks as well. i just want to make clear that my friends are abroad so thankfully they took the time out to support me via twitter facebook and my space. but i do try and hang out with my friends the best way i can and just remember if you eer need to talk im here ok


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