Monthly Archives: June 2011

Drifting along or drifting apart?



im not sad that we dont speak im just sad you dont make the effort anymore


So for the last while i have been going thru recent changes in myself. I mean i know i said ages back that i might be going back to school. I also know that i said that i would be doing certain things in my life such as travelling or maybe even going on holidays abroad. But alas i have put a few plans on the back burner for a while. Mainly due to the fact that i have well other commitments in my life and well money has been tight of late. I mean who knew that you would need such things as a job money and even a few other things in order go get my plans up and running. I kid i kid of course i knew all this i mean that i would need funds in order to fufil my dreams and well they will happen all in a good time.

BUt sadly what i have noticed of late is that i have been drifting apart for a lot of my friends. I just remember this hit me last night. I was talking to my best friend in sydney and we were talking about gigs he went to and also up and coming tatts that we both might be getting. So as he went off to get his coffee. I checked out gigs that will be happening in the summer. Now im going to well plan to go to oxygen and electric picnic this year. I mean i was already offered tickets for the weezer gig and lord only knows im a massive weezer fan. So i happily clicked on the electric picnic webpage and i was very impressed to hear my favourite candadian cool kids arcade fire playing this year. So being all excited and simply bursting at the seems i texted every1. Come on who is with me for going to electric picnic we can all make a weekend of it and tickets are at good prices so comeon is with me on this. Now i did not hear naything yet and i took it into note that it was late last night and well every1 might be asleep. But nothing prepared for what news i got next. I got one text saying ohh thats like ages away and we will see. I was pretty dismayed and pissed at the same time. The last time i was this excited by anything was when simon fagan came to town and i got to meet him. Than it just hit me. I have out grown my friends.

Now i didnt cry i just thought ohh it looks like i have out grown every1. Now its kind of sad really now that i think about this. It also sent me spinning to my friend in sydney. Jeeze i hope your not going to dump me next. BUts sad when you realise sumthing like this. I have been friends with these people for years i went to school with them. I even catered for their nights at the pubs and night clubs i worked in and i even helped them wet the babies head. But apartily i ask my friends for too much of late. Now to say the least i would say that the friends that i have made in recent times that i have made on social networking sites are more like genuine friends to me than the so called friends that i did have. I mean if anything all it takes if a poke a quick hi and event a comment on a link or photo or song that they might have put up on their page. Now thankfully my mate in sydney was extremely kind enough to let me spin and than help me put with this situtaion and for that i would be lost without him. But seriously as for my so called friends well sadly it looks like its good from me. Do you know what i dont even feel sad when i think about it let alone say it. I have always been a self relant little ragamuffin 1 2 i dont acatully relate to my so called friends anymore and 3 well my friends on my social network site have been so awesome to me of late. They have also been there for me thru the thick and thin of it and also have made ma laugh out loud so many times im actaully surprised that i can stand up staright from the amount pf laughter that these people give me on a daily basis.

Now i do know that certain people have went thru certain changes such as having children moving abroad or even well other every day life. So to those people who have let me down. well its been swell but i really think that it might be my time to move on and well do my own thing. Now where is my tattoo artist friends and folk musican friends and fellow bloggers when i need them. 

Watch this space

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Posted by on 06/16/2011 in friends


the 1 who got away





So i have to say i have been going thru a some what interesting change in my life. I mean like nothing has happened of late work wise. But sumthing very interesting happen there at the weekend there. I was happily walking around my town with my vegan latte when i heard a familier voice say hello to me. It was a ghost from my past and to say the least i havent spoken to this ghost in a really long time. Now when it comes to my exes i sumwhat will admit i dont have the best case history when it comes to ex BFs. But i think if anything i would always try and stay friends with my exes. I mean im friends with 2 of my ex BFs on a social networking site and yes at times we do talk laugh share links and also check in to see how the other one is doing.

But i think with this ex well it was sumwhat surprising seeing him. So we went for a drink spoke for ages and exchanged blow by blow accounts of what is happening in our lives. What kind of made it sad when i told him about my own issues and about what has happened in my life. Now i cant really say much about whats happened to me but all i will say is my health kind of sucks of late. So when i told him all this. It hit him hit him really hard. Jesus you have been thru the wars havent you he said. Well you could say that yeah and also ahh im ok at times tis hard though to not well get thru the day without being upset.  So when i said that he just fell apart and said he lost sumthing in me.

When i heard this i actaully felt nothing i mean i treat life like the luck of the draw and im not saying this in a bad way but im kind of glad that we did end when we did. I mean i was in one of those relationships in where everything went wrong. we fough we made up we laughed til our sides hurt and well cried. but towards the end we kept fighting and we were not going anywhere. I will admit this im not sad about it at all. In actaul fact im kind of relieved if anything.

But if im being honest here he kind of half killed me that day. he more or less admited that i shoould get back together with him as i would not do any better. But i will tell you one thing. i could never ever settle for 2nd best or even go back into my past and well settle for that. Coz i know at the end of the day i know that i have good support network of friends and family who would like to see me happy. But i think my own mid is made up in what im going to do next.  

I think in having this alone time it has really made me think in what i want and what i need. Now i know what i want and what i need and i certainly dont mind waiting at all.  its just a matter of waiting for the right time and place and being with the right person.

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Posted by on 06/13/2011 in friends


changes within thyself yet again

Yikes. Covers herself in her hoody and hides away. I have just realised that i havent did a piece in a shocking amount of time. Jeeze i will say that well i have had ahem a bit of atuff on but sadly i have been hitting the wall when it comes to the blogging front. I have been chopping and changing ideas in my head so many times over that i have decided that i should really write a new piece and today will be this day to write sumthing.

So what news do i have since i last wrote sumthing. Hmm well i have been going to a few gigs have been going thru recent lifestyle changes and also sadlyh i have been slammed down on so hard like a fat ckid goes after chocolate cake. So sadly alas im not getting much work as i want to be. BUt this has been a good thing for me. I mean im in a market and a world of shallow god foresaken idiots that are called well therapists. Now in no means am i putting any1 down here. BUt sum people especaiily in this town really need to calm the f^^k down and chill the f**k out. I would like to say im making a bomb being a therapist but sadly im just about litterly breaking even. Which is sum what annoying and at times really fucking infurating as well. I mean as a therapist i have been adverting myself and well placing myself and even doing the grand thing of strutting myself like a prize animal at a show. But alas i get no way.

You see i feel like one of those strays in the pound that no one wants. (i know its a cruel comparson and i really hate using it) but its so true. Every time the cell rings i put on my happy voice i sell my soul and than sum and even say look i will even give you a discount. But alas they wont take me on. Now what really infurated me more of late was the following. I asked a friend ohh can i put posters up in your shop as i well need to pay the bills. Needless to say they said yes. Now a week later the poster went missing and than another girls poster showed up. NOw i kind of said what the hell im barely living as it is and also i need the business and also im more qualifcated. The answer to which i got infurated me more. well thingy is the friend of the family and shes starting out. Which made me quite angry and made me think seriously why in the name of god do i need you in my life so with that i just left it at that and walked away with my pride in tact.

Now when i talk about change again well who knows what will happen. Sadly i did make changes to go and travel and well do other things but sadly the ressession is sumwhat killing my dreams. Now please try and not mock me and say it will all be ok but seriously im a bit screwed. I try to smile and say yeah life is good but seriously its not all that good. But i will thank the budda that i have a roof over my head supporting friends and family and a lovely collie named shep to fall back on.



Posted by on 06/10/2011 in daily rants