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Question of faith.

24 Feb

Firstly can i just say that in this blog i will be talking religion and my own faith so i don’t want people getting all hed up and upset over this matter. These are my views & i do hope that this piece will make you think and understand well about the subject that is religion and how it does not have to be such a touchy subject.

My own personal catholic joke if your easily offended look away now

So i will begin with my own faith so. When i was born i was raised to be a good little catholic girl. Mum and dad would take me to church on Sundays and then after the church we would go for sunday dinner.  But while i was growing up things changed really. I mean i had to go few life changing decisions in my own life. Firstly i lost my dad due to a heart attack at 9 years old. I think if anything experience of death. I mean i had no one close to me that died before this happened. But all i remember is that my mum told me that dad sadly passed on and now he would go to heaven. So being a young child i took her word and i went to my fathers funeral and i said no more on the subject. So as i got older more family relations sadly passed on and i did the funeral thing again.

Now being raised a catholic girl i had a strict up bringing. I had to be a good girl and if i did anything wrong i was also given out to and sometimes punished. Like such as if i back talked to my mum i was sent to my room. Or i did something really bad it was always well you would bring shame onto the family and so on.  But as i got older my faith was questioned many times. This would be at the times  of loss and whatever i went thru.  Sadly a few years back a really good family friend of mine sadly died and i of course had to go to th funeral.  Now i went to the mass and the funeral. But what made me sad was a few cutting comments that was made by the older people in the church.  You know the so called lead by example generation. I heard a very cutting comment about another funeral that she want to. The comment was as follows oh you know such and such a person wont go to heaven coz they committed suicide. Now when i heard the comment it really upset me massively. I think if anything no one should ever be judged on if they do or do not take matters into their own hands.  If they do well that their decision and i think if anything it should be their business.

I think if i am being honest here i decided to change religions of late. The decision for me to change religions was mainly because of the fact that i was so sick to death of people saying that i would go to hell for doing bad things or having such impure thoughts. I mean i remember ages back i made the biggest mistake of my young life by dating an older guy. Now what drew me to my mistake was he was charming good looking smart sexy and well yeah he charmed me in many other ways. But as i got to know him more it was clear that he was not suited for me. For example he would fly off the handle over silly subject matters. One being a case that he wasnt my first guy to be with. He would fly off the handle call me a few names and i would just roll my eyes and say well baby i had a life before i met you. Another example would be is he had such an issue with me liking the country australia. Oh why do you like australia for. well i like the country 1 2 the people are so damn nice and lovely and really awesome and 3 well i dated an australian guy. He would than again fly off the handle. Which made me think oh right you have such a massive problem with me loving australia and having a life before i met you. Now you can either get lost and stop bothering me about this problem you have with me or you can stay with me and just move on. So the bloody idiot stayed with me more fool me hey.

So everything was fine until the xmas before last. I decided to get the idiot a st Christopher medal. St Christopher was the patron saint of landscape gardeners accounts and people who travelled over seas. Now i gave him the gift and he completely lost the head. He screamed at me and shouted at me saying that he wasnt religious and how dare i get him such a gift. Looking back i felt terrified to say the least and i thought to myself right you’re a bloody psycho. Now i started with him for a little while. but anything that this thing had a drink he would spiral into a whole into a different and dark and dangerous world. I know that i dabble in the dark side myself and listen to heavy rock and watch horror films but this guy made me out to be an angel. In actual fact if you compared me and him. I would be the nice angel he would be the devil and then some. which kind of made the relationship with him a lot tougher.   I remember i that night he brought up the subject of religion to a few good friends of mine from the north of Ireland. Now being a bartender i have a few simple rules that everyone should really take in hand. I politely that you dont talk about religion politics or any other subject matters that might spoil a good night out. Now of course dickhead would not listen to me and he brought up the subject of religion. He asked my friend who is a devout catholic girl who goes to church and raises her young family to be catholic has she seen or even met god? Now my friend said whats this got to do with anything. i was raised catholic and this is what i believe in and try and respect my views. Now himself was like a dog with a bone and would not let it rest. SO to say the least i had to cut my evening short and comfort a very sad friend of mine who ended up in tears and stand between my idiot ex and my friends husband who was a rugby player. When i got him i ripped into him. How bloody dare you make that girl question her faith that is her business if she’s catholic. He than would keep arguing with me and  than he said something that was very unforgivable that i cant even say in this piece. Needless to say i dumped his sorry ass the next day.

Ahh my little budda dude always rub is belly for good luck

Which kind of brings me to this what or who gives the right for people to question each others faiths. I think if you choose to go with a faith that you truly believe in than i would stay with it. I know my own mother is catholic and i respect for it and im also glad that she has raised me to be a good catholic girl and for this im grateful that she has down this for me.  But of late i have questioned my own faith. I mean when i broke up with idiot i went thru a very heavy and dark stage in my life. The darkness left me questioning everything about who i was about where im going to in life. Now thankfully i have left that all behind me and i decided to change religions and become a buddha. I have always like the spiritual religions and i have to say in becoming a buddha it has saved me from well-doing bad things to myself. I have also found that found that i can find forgiveness within myself and in others who may have hurt me in the past.  I think for me what is also awesome about being a buddha is the need that you don’t need to feel materialist about every day things.

I mean I have met a few people in my life who are so materialist in their every day lives and in a way i feel a bit sorry for them. I mean i know this one guy who spend a silly amount of money on a car. If though his girlfriend was going to have a baby that was due any day. So when i pointed out that he should of really put money aside for the baby he more or less said that well this is my car and my money and i will do whatever i want with it. When i heard this i felt sad for him in a way. But it turns out karma got her own back on him. last thing i heard was his back living with mummy and daddy and the GF and mother of this child decided to go back to where they originally came from.   So in a way karma dealt with that problem in a really good style.

I have to say from my own experience being a buddha is truely an excellent lifestyle choice. Im more calm than i have ever been i dont get upset at all. I have also found inner peace within myself and i feel great for it.  BUt i also thinki that in being a buddha you can find inner peace within yourself and not many people can actually admit this at all.

Oh yeah i should really dedicate this piece to my friend who always have me in stitches laughing and who have never ever felt the need to judge me at all.

I should also dedicated this piece to a really good friend of mine who sadly died last week. They decided to well take their own life. I think if anything  i di hope that they are in a better place and i know that it actaully hurts me that i miss them so so much. I really do miss our chats and also miss the way how you always made me laugh and how you made me feel comfortable in your company and i also loved the fact that we could talk about anything and everything for when it came to the inner working of the human mind, Miss you so so so much D and i just simply adore the ground well you did walk on. I just hope your in a better place bro and i do hope you find inner peace within yourself.

This good charlotte is for for my friend D.

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3 Comments

Posted by on 02/24/2011 in friends

 

3 responses to “Question of faith.

  1. Holemaster

    02/25/2011 at 3:28 pm

    Vicky, faith belongs to the person and you can experience it and express in any way you want that doesn’t hurt you or others. I’m not sure I believe in a God in the traditional sense. I believe in some kind of connectivity between everything. An energy I suppose and we are all part of it. The more you do in your life to keep you well and happy, the more good energy that generates around you. Some people need a little more protecting than others and they’re often the ones who appear to the the strongest.

     
  2. vagab0ndage

    02/25/2011 at 9:54 pm

    excellent chocie of words hole master. I think for me being a budda has actaully helped me get thru my own perosnal difficulites. For that im a much happier and easier to get along with human being. I agree with what your saying. I have met a few people who appear strong but it actaully is quite shocking at how they can fall apart just like a deck of cards that have been carefully put up. I have to i respect all religions and faiths and i would never ever feel the need to quuestion or comment on sum1s faith at all. thanks for dropping in again.

     
  3. Tara Fitzgerald

    03/07/2011 at 2:07 pm

    Yeah i have to say that i also became a budda mainly because of the fact that it did help me deal with my inner demons. as for the old dears who would dare say such things about going to hell for committing suicide that is such utter and complete BS. I mean i have also noticed of late that sum people are without a shadow of a doubt twisting and breaking old traditions for when it comes to religion but this is waht drives me crazy and this is also why i left my faith of being a good catholic girl. At least with being a budda no one can ever judge you ever.

     

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