so over the last while i have been throwing a certain subject in my mind of late. Its a subject that is very close to my heart and means a lot to me forgiveness. Now over the last while i have been boring you to death over the while well thing that happen with the subject that i dare not bring up again as it has not only upset myself but other fmaily members and certain friends of mine.
So when i met up with a friend of mine there at the weekend she asked me a very personal question. You know after everything that happened with you know who im talking about do you think you could ever forgive them for what they have done to you. You know the whole lies betrayl and the whole bullshit that he did to you and just generally break your heart. Do you think you could ever forgive him. After a long pause. I had to change the subject matter quickly and move on forth to a new subject. Now i wasnt been mean when i did this but if im being honest i dont think i have it in me to have a forgiving heart. I mean sometimes i can forgive little things like well you know if the dog ate my shoes or if i forget to get something done that needed to get done. That i can forgive and im not perfect im only human and i have made a few mistakes in my life.
But when i think of certain affair of the heart and if someone that i loved and trusted let me down. than thats a complety different ball game. You see a little while back i was badly let down. In fact it took me well a few months to realise that certain things were not going to change not now or ever in my life. Unless i made the changes myself. Now the change that i had to go thru was in actaul fact getting rid of a certain idiot for good. I had to do a heck of a lot in order to get that done. Thanks to the support of good friends and late night sessions of talking mulling over and well drinking as well i decided that i had to get rid of the element in order to move on and survive. Now this element did everything to me. lied cheated broke my heart made mt question my faith and also the life choices that i was doing in my life at that time. they also hurted me and well broke not only my heart but broke down everything that i believed in. so when i got rid of this element i actaully felt free and happy within myself. but the sad thing is that i have been happy within myself for the last while.
This was until last week. i was happliy skipping along the road listening to my songs on my mp3 player when i say this figure present itself righ in front of me. Now i was quite shocked when i saw this figure. My first reaction was to run and hide but no i just stood my ground and asked them what do you want. yeah like hi this figure staring down at its shoes so how have you been. hmm my reaction was well im busy im due in work and also i have a few things to do and you kind of well blocking me here sucking away my time so get to the point ok. So like yeah whay are you hating me so much for and i have seen what you wrote about me on your blog and did i really treat you that badly. It took me a long time to answer this question. well look i will be honest with you. you were never there for me when i needed you 1 2 you always had your mates around and 3 you were not that supportive of me when it came to my studies or decisions when it came yo doing things in my own every day life you know. To cut a long blog sort i more or less said to him you know what i dont think i will ever speak to you again. i dont think i can find it in my heart to forgive you ever you know. With that i just walked away.
I think at the end of the day with me when it comes to affairs of the heart. i think if someone does hurt me or my friends or family in any way i would find it pretty hard to forgive the idiots who have done something to hurt them. i mean like i do have a forgiving heart within me. but i think that it takes time to forgive someone who has hurt you you know. but i think now that i have the time to think things over. yeah i do have a forgiving heart but it has taken me a while to get there and i dont think that i could have done it with out the support of good friends and family.