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This is me this is who i am

14 Jan

 

I think my image explains it all im happy

So for the last while i have been having a few issues of late. i havent been sleeping well of late. Due to the fact that i have a new found energy and new found lust for life. Bow this is all thanks to clearing the shite out of my life that i had from last year. I have to say i now feel much better. I feel lighter happier and just generally enjoying my new found freedom. So what is a girl to do with this new found freedom who knows who knows indeed. Although i do have a few ideas o what i want to do and who i want to do it with. (oh jesus that came out  wrong but you get me rght).  But what i have noticed of late is that when you finally get your life sorted out like i have you notice a few things in your everyday life.

For example i have noticed now that i have more time to myself and im finally get around to getting things done that i have been putting of. I also noticed that i can keep myself very much entertained now that i am alone by doing different things. I can also call the shots in what or who i want in my own life. But you see what has annoyed me of late is this. Anytime i pick up a mag or watch something online its always about the same subject matter. Isnt it great being a couple and doing couply things and so on and so forth. But while im all for couples what are the singles suppose to do. Its almost like in any standards you need to have a partner to well feel complete. Now dont get me wrong im single but i do miss the whole thins of being ina  couple i eman i miss the couply things of long walks on the beach going for dinner going to gigs and having the closesness there of someone who loves you. I would also like to say that i miss sneek tickle attacks and generally being with some1 but i try not let it get me down. I mean in an ideal world i would love to meet someone who ticks all my boxes in what i want in a guy and who knows i might have already met them but i think if anything if i wanted to be with a guy i would love to be friends with them first. Tha way i can get to know them what they are about and what they like. I think from my own experience i have had a few bfs and even when i broke up with one of them we still stayed friends in actaul fact hes my besy friend and for that im glad of the friendship you know. he makes me laugh and always hooks me up with good music you know.

But what has annoyed me of late is when certain people keep banging on about me being single they go like ohhhhhhh your still single and your expections in your guy are to high but i dont honestly think that my standards are high at all.   I mean i have my idea guy in mind and i would love it if he has a GSOH can make me laugh and be a good friend and lover to me thats awesome. But again some people in fact some people that i know in my own life have always settled for 2nd best. No offensive there is nothing wrong with settling for 2nd best but i would be more like ok well if i did settle for 2nd best there will always be questions that would niggle and burn at me in the back of my mind. i have to say im confident ballsy cheeky cute smart attractive a bit of nerd and can be silly at times and yeah i also love the whole and embrace the dark side of things but thats just me you know. I think it would be my own personal view of hell if i had to change for a guy and if anything my mama and papa always thought me that i should never setttle on a compromise. They said in doing this you would be selling youself short and you would never be happy or true to yourself.

But i have to say that im not the classic you know settling for second best type of girl and i also hate being stereo typed as a person. I think from my own personal experience i truely hate getting stereotyped. Yoy know the names ohh single girl sits alone in resturants eatting dinner alone or having a glass of wine in a pub. but do you know what that does not bother me at all. Firstly i dont have to share my food with anyone i can be quite a big meany when it comes to desert i dont really like sharing although if i had to share with the right person that that would be awesome and also i quite like going to bars to drink and i have my weapon of choice by bringing a book along so no one can bother me at all. also i quite like spending time alone but i think i would be much happier if i di have a certain some one in my life.

But you see when i have had all this time to myself i can now understand a few things about myself. Like for example i feel that now i have this renewed energy i can now do more stuff but i already said that. I can now indugle in my passion for writing and listenung to more music and discovering new and old bands that i havent heard of in ages. I also discovered that i can now do and say things more so with out having to watch what i have to say and than say sorry for it.  i can also deal with this time alone well by doing anything really.  Now that i think about it i think that i am not lonely at all. I mean who can say that they have ther best friends on speed dial and if i need a chinwag all i need to do is go out and meet up for coffee and if i can do that i just go online let out a scream to let them know im here and thats it lonieness is gone away.   but now that i have had this time alone and thanks to the support and the immense love that i get from all my friends i feel so much better and so much happier.  (you know who you all are and i love each and every one of you for it god amighty shutta up gushing)

I think if anything i kind of feel sorry for the people who say that they are ina  happy realtionship when i am fully aware that i know that its not all that good in paradise. No no this is not a critacism on any person at all per say but i think if anything if the tables were turned and if i was in that situation i would just out my hands admit defied and just shake hands and walk away. I know that some people cant or wont ever do that but i think after my whole little thing of spending time on my own thinking than yes i always think that its better to be true to yourself. Although some fools can actaully fall into the spiral of buying into this BS fairy tale happy ending nah i really cant buy in to that sickly sweet sugar coated dream world.  if anything that i have seen done and read in books films and actual real life happy eneding do come to the right people and in their right time. but it does alwayd have to be the box standard dahsing handsome prince on a horse for example when it comes to me it could be either of the following could fall out a tree roll up to me in a volvo come along in a surf board (although i wish you luck you cant surf in my rocky beach)  or could it be the one thing that i want could be staring at me all thsi time. But i do know one thing im pretty certain that if and when the next person who does happen to appear in my life may not be here in ireland they maybe abroad on foreign soil. But again who knows that the futre holds or what it hides. But all i know is that when i know what i want i make damn sure to run after and get it before it might run away on me.

So yeah thats all i have to say for now my my 2 blogs in a the past few days my my i must be doing something right hey. BUt all i can say is that i am massively happy of late abd its for all the good reasons you know i think i would rather be happy than be sad. I do think when i get sad its a dark cloud that goes me and nothing or no body can snap me out of it. So i shall contiune with this happiness and hopefully i will open my heart and mind to new and inetsrting oppurtunies that may fall onto my lap. anyways im going to end blog witha  song by bellowhead its a cver version of micheal jacksons blame it on the boogie. I have been listening to this non stop for the last few days and all i can say is that it brings a smile to my face hope you enjoy it folks. 

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1 Comment

Posted by on 01/14/2011 in friends

 

One response to “This is me this is who i am

  1. Tara Fitzgerald

    01/29/2011 at 6:25 pm

    Your dead right girly never to setlle for 2nd best. I think your on the right path in order to heal not only yourself but its also good to get some headspace as well. By the way i love our song i just simply adore bellowhead myself ;-). i love their hit new york girls

     

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