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Monthly Archives: January 2011

Luck of the draw

Luck only can favour those who go searching for it

So when i was little i was always told that lady luck always stacks up in the favours of the gambler who may have the winning hand right.  Well i have to say here that i complete disagree with this statement.  I think fortune can favour anyone really. It’s not always about having the winning hand or have a system luck is down to the individual and and how they see their way of using their luck.  You see a little while back i came into some money it was small lotto win. i remember that day like it was yesterday. I was flat broke with not a penny on me at all. So when i was doing my chores of cleaning my house and getting my clothes washed i had a wee rut in my jeans pockets.  This is when i found 20 euros.  Oh i thought this is great i can now do the lotto for tonight and get sum stuff that i need from the shops.

So while i happily skipped along to the shop to do my lotto and get my goodies. I didnt think anything of it when i handed my money in for my ticket. Now the day that was in it was a good day really. But not so good either. I remember that from the previous week i had the week from hell. My grant for college fell thru my friend had a heart attack and i had a massive row with the college over the grant falling thru. So all in all it was a shit week to say the least. So when i skipped along home i just sat quietly in room reading my book and than went down stairs to cook dinner. My mum actaully joined me for dinner that evening and than i just watched the lotto. pah we wont win anything i know we wont. We never do. So as the numbers came out i was like ok so we have 2 numbers big deal i said. that will get us nothing. So when it came to the 3rd number i was like yippee 15 euros hmm that will buy us dinner. So when it came to the 5th number i was than thinking this is not happening. So long behold when my 6th number came out it was on the other line. i than just stood there in shock. No no shaking my head that just didnt happen did it. I said to my mum. She also stood there in shock. I than just calmly said right ok hmm we have 5 out of 6 numbers so what do we get very little i suppose.

So after a night of having no sleep at all. i than happily skipped along to my local post office. me being all coy and shy handed in my ticket and asked i was like hmm yeah ok did i win anything on this. So the girl scanned the ticket and gave me my prize. You have won 1500 euros i was like your serious right? fuck me i screamed not litterly of course but still wow thank you so much. I than went home and gave my mum some money. When i came home i was in a serious amount of shock and awe at the same time. I just kept looking at the money and i said to myself wow like i have never won anything. I also came second or third and the last time i won anything was at a painting competition when i was 8 years old. But still it was such a nice win.

i think i was grateful for the win in a way. It was small yes but it was a massive amount of money to me. I mean i got really nice things from it. Many twilight goodies a few cds put some way of course as well.  But when i think it now. Life is about the luck of the draw. I mean if i did get the whole 6 numbers who knows what might of happened.  I mean when i think about it would the big win change me? well no not really. I think if anything if it happened again. I would have packed everything take mum in one hand shep in the other get our passports and move abroad. I mean like at the end of the day. If i were to pack up tomorrow and move abroad i dont think i would miss anything or anyone here in ireland. Of course i would take 4 legs with me of course.  but you see when you think of the world we live n and the what ifs it can make you think.  I mean with my little win it made me think more about who i am about and where im going in life.

I mean im not one of those materialist kind of people who defines her life by buying the top range choice of shoe animal or product no. Im more ahh ok so we will go with the flow kind of thing here you know. Whats the point in struggling bitching moaning and sobbing about what lack of material goods we have in our lives. Dont get me wrong but i love my books and well jeans as well. But if god forbid my house burns down tomorrow pray to budda it wont it would not bother me. Coz at the end of the day its just stuff really. I could easily replace stuff it does not bother me at all. But what bothers me is when people feel the need to drone on and on about how much they pay for shoes and clothes. 

i mean i have a good on for you. I was out in Dublin ages back at a gig and i was happily listening to the music of the band when i heard this scream. like oh my god girlfriend i have just broken my heel from the jimmy choos and they cost me like 500 euros. I actaully felt phyically sick when i heard this. In all my days of being on this planet i have never ever spend 500 euros on myself ever. I think the only time i did that was when my idiot gobshite ex got a friend of a friend to fix my laptop. i than had to cough up the cash for a technician to well unravel my wee laptop who had died a death a few times over and needed surgery badly on it. now the D4 darling how was screaming about her beloved shoes. I kind of felt sorry you life is defined by what shoes you wear. Hmm and let me guess you dont date anyone who even nothing less than a footballer salary. yeah your one sad bitch and also your mask that is made of botox and fillers  that you hide in is actaully made you look like you have cant show emotion.

nah i think myself there is no way i could spend that sill amount of money on a pair of shoes and also yeah there is more to life than shoes and designer clothes. Your life if anything and im going from my own experience should be about what you can do to make it flow along nicely with no hassle or complication. I mean i havent got much money myself but hey it does not bother me at all.  All im grateful for is a roof over my head. My friends and family and my little dude shep. I could not ask for more really. Although it would be tres nice to have a nice boyfriend who adores the ground i walk in and loves me for me. But hey until my handsome beau comes running into my arms whether it be here or abroad.   (FYI my beau is not in ireland i looked around and alas could not find him at all) Im thinking it would be more so abroad but i think i could happily sail along my own life with no mess or no fuss.

 Also whoever said that money makes you happy. They were actually kidding themselves. Money does make a life a little easier i mean you can buy the stuff you want and go where you want and have a life of great fun but with great fun comes responsiblity and also when the so called well of money dry up who is there to you know pick you up when you fall down. I know from experience my very own actually i have always led a life of no fuss and worries. i think its only the fools who try and buy their way into a life of excess fun games and endless hours of joy. But like everything else that can come with a price.  i for one will never ever buy into a fools paradise of broken dreams and messed up visions of their so called happiness.

nah i think im happy for all my friends who can make me laugh and fall around the place in tears of laughter. Im also grateful for the chosen few who can put me back together like an accordion.  In the very sense of well putting my broken parts back together just like a jigsaw.  fo that you know who you all are and i thank each and every one of you. If money was no object i would than buy you a red ducati motorcycle or a red porche sportcar. Well seeing as the fact that i have no money you will just have to make do with my company and my endless awe inspiring words hee hee so take it all in people. lets not forget my truely great company as well. i can acatully say im not only a good friend/lover but im everything that you want me to be and more. Nope users need not apply as i just ignore them.

 
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Posted by on 01/31/2011 in Uncategorized

 

to forgive thee hmm i shall get back to you on this!

so over the last while i have been throwing a certain subject in my mind of late. Its a subject that is very close to my heart and means a lot to me forgiveness.  Now over the last while i have been boring you to death over the while well thing that happen with the subject that i dare not bring up again as it has not only upset myself but other fmaily members and certain friends of mine.

So when i met up with a friend of mine there at the weekend she asked me a very personal question. You know after everything that happened with you know who im talking about do you think you could ever forgive them for what they have done to you.  You know the whole lies betrayl and the whole bullshit that he did to you and just generally break your heart. Do you think you could ever forgive him. After a long pause. I had to change the subject matter quickly and move on forth to a new subject.  Now i wasnt been mean when i did this but if im being honest i dont think i have it in me to have a forgiving heart.  I mean sometimes i can forgive little things like well you know if the dog ate my shoes or if i forget to get something done that needed to get done. That i can forgive and im not perfect im only human and i have made a few mistakes in my life.

But when i think of certain affair of the heart and if someone that i loved and trusted let me down. than thats a complety different ball game.  You see a little while back i was badly let down. In fact it took me well a few months to realise that certain things were not going to change not now or ever in my life. Unless i made the changes myself. Now the change that i had to go thru was in actaul fact getting rid of a certain idiot for good. I had to do a heck of a lot in order to get that done.  Thanks to the support of good friends and late night sessions of talking mulling over and well drinking as well i decided that i had to get rid of the element in order to move on and survive. Now this element did everything to me. lied cheated broke my heart made mt question my faith and also the life choices that i was doing in my life at that time.  they also hurted me and well broke not only my heart but broke down everything that i believed in.  so when i got rid of this element i actaully felt free and happy within myself. but the sad thing is that i have been happy within myself for the last while. 

This was until last week.  i was happliy skipping along the road listening to my songs on my mp3 player when i say this figure present itself righ in front of me. Now i was quite shocked when i saw this figure.  My first reaction was to run and hide but no i just stood my ground and asked them what do you want.  yeah like hi this figure staring down at its shoes so how have you been.  hmm my reaction was well im busy im due in work and also i have a few things to do and you kind of well blocking me here sucking away my time so get to the point ok.  So like yeah whay are you hating me so much for and i have seen what you wrote about me on your blog and did i really treat you that badly.  It took me a long time to answer this question. well look i will be honest with you. you were never there for me when i needed you 1 2 you always had your mates around and 3 you were not that supportive of me when it came to my studies or decisions when it came yo doing things in my own every day life you know.  To cut a long blog sort i more or less said to him you know what i dont think i will ever speak to you again. i dont think i can find it in my heart to forgive you ever you know.  With that i just walked away.

I think at the end of the day with me when it comes to affairs of the heart. i think if someone does hurt me or my friends or family in any way i would find it pretty hard to forgive the idiots who have done something to hurt them. i mean like i do have a forgiving heart within me. but i think that it takes time to forgive someone who has hurt you you know.  but i think now that i have the time to think things over. yeah i do have a forgiving heart but it has taken me a while to get there and i dont think that i could have done it with out the support of good friends and family.

 
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Posted by on 01/23/2011 in daily rants

 

This is me this is who i am

 

I think my image explains it all im happy

So for the last while i have been having a few issues of late. i havent been sleeping well of late. Due to the fact that i have a new found energy and new found lust for life. Bow this is all thanks to clearing the shite out of my life that i had from last year. I have to say i now feel much better. I feel lighter happier and just generally enjoying my new found freedom. So what is a girl to do with this new found freedom who knows who knows indeed. Although i do have a few ideas o what i want to do and who i want to do it with. (oh jesus that came out  wrong but you get me rght).  But what i have noticed of late is that when you finally get your life sorted out like i have you notice a few things in your everyday life.

For example i have noticed now that i have more time to myself and im finally get around to getting things done that i have been putting of. I also noticed that i can keep myself very much entertained now that i am alone by doing different things. I can also call the shots in what or who i want in my own life. But you see what has annoyed me of late is this. Anytime i pick up a mag or watch something online its always about the same subject matter. Isnt it great being a couple and doing couply things and so on and so forth. But while im all for couples what are the singles suppose to do. Its almost like in any standards you need to have a partner to well feel complete. Now dont get me wrong im single but i do miss the whole thins of being ina  couple i eman i miss the couply things of long walks on the beach going for dinner going to gigs and having the closesness there of someone who loves you. I would also like to say that i miss sneek tickle attacks and generally being with some1 but i try not let it get me down. I mean in an ideal world i would love to meet someone who ticks all my boxes in what i want in a guy and who knows i might have already met them but i think if anything if i wanted to be with a guy i would love to be friends with them first. Tha way i can get to know them what they are about and what they like. I think from my own experience i have had a few bfs and even when i broke up with one of them we still stayed friends in actaul fact hes my besy friend and for that im glad of the friendship you know. he makes me laugh and always hooks me up with good music you know.

But what has annoyed me of late is when certain people keep banging on about me being single they go like ohhhhhhh your still single and your expections in your guy are to high but i dont honestly think that my standards are high at all.   I mean i have my idea guy in mind and i would love it if he has a GSOH can make me laugh and be a good friend and lover to me thats awesome. But again some people in fact some people that i know in my own life have always settled for 2nd best. No offensive there is nothing wrong with settling for 2nd best but i would be more like ok well if i did settle for 2nd best there will always be questions that would niggle and burn at me in the back of my mind. i have to say im confident ballsy cheeky cute smart attractive a bit of nerd and can be silly at times and yeah i also love the whole and embrace the dark side of things but thats just me you know. I think it would be my own personal view of hell if i had to change for a guy and if anything my mama and papa always thought me that i should never setttle on a compromise. They said in doing this you would be selling youself short and you would never be happy or true to yourself.

But i have to say that im not the classic you know settling for second best type of girl and i also hate being stereo typed as a person. I think from my own personal experience i truely hate getting stereotyped. Yoy know the names ohh single girl sits alone in resturants eatting dinner alone or having a glass of wine in a pub. but do you know what that does not bother me at all. Firstly i dont have to share my food with anyone i can be quite a big meany when it comes to desert i dont really like sharing although if i had to share with the right person that that would be awesome and also i quite like going to bars to drink and i have my weapon of choice by bringing a book along so no one can bother me at all. also i quite like spending time alone but i think i would be much happier if i di have a certain some one in my life.

But you see when i have had all this time to myself i can now understand a few things about myself. Like for example i feel that now i have this renewed energy i can now do more stuff but i already said that. I can now indugle in my passion for writing and listenung to more music and discovering new and old bands that i havent heard of in ages. I also discovered that i can now do and say things more so with out having to watch what i have to say and than say sorry for it.  i can also deal with this time alone well by doing anything really.  Now that i think about it i think that i am not lonely at all. I mean who can say that they have ther best friends on speed dial and if i need a chinwag all i need to do is go out and meet up for coffee and if i can do that i just go online let out a scream to let them know im here and thats it lonieness is gone away.   but now that i have had this time alone and thanks to the support and the immense love that i get from all my friends i feel so much better and so much happier.  (you know who you all are and i love each and every one of you for it god amighty shutta up gushing)

I think if anything i kind of feel sorry for the people who say that they are ina  happy realtionship when i am fully aware that i know that its not all that good in paradise. No no this is not a critacism on any person at all per say but i think if anything if the tables were turned and if i was in that situation i would just out my hands admit defied and just shake hands and walk away. I know that some people cant or wont ever do that but i think after my whole little thing of spending time on my own thinking than yes i always think that its better to be true to yourself. Although some fools can actaully fall into the spiral of buying into this BS fairy tale happy ending nah i really cant buy in to that sickly sweet sugar coated dream world.  if anything that i have seen done and read in books films and actual real life happy eneding do come to the right people and in their right time. but it does alwayd have to be the box standard dahsing handsome prince on a horse for example when it comes to me it could be either of the following could fall out a tree roll up to me in a volvo come along in a surf board (although i wish you luck you cant surf in my rocky beach)  or could it be the one thing that i want could be staring at me all thsi time. But i do know one thing im pretty certain that if and when the next person who does happen to appear in my life may not be here in ireland they maybe abroad on foreign soil. But again who knows that the futre holds or what it hides. But all i know is that when i know what i want i make damn sure to run after and get it before it might run away on me.

So yeah thats all i have to say for now my my 2 blogs in a the past few days my my i must be doing something right hey. BUt all i can say is that i am massively happy of late abd its for all the good reasons you know i think i would rather be happy than be sad. I do think when i get sad its a dark cloud that goes me and nothing or no body can snap me out of it. So i shall contiune with this happiness and hopefully i will open my heart and mind to new and inetsrting oppurtunies that may fall onto my lap. anyways im going to end blog witha  song by bellowhead its a cver version of micheal jacksons blame it on the boogie. I have been listening to this non stop for the last few days and all i can say is that it brings a smile to my face hope you enjoy it folks. 

 
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Posted by on 01/14/2011 in friends

 

Get over It idiotia!!!!!!!!

Do you know what there is one thing that drives me crazy well its a few things but this one thing has just driven me up the wall all day long? Ex Bfs why in the name of sweet jaysis do they need to bother us hey. i mean heres a funny story that has happened to me over the last few days and whether you laugh or cry at it i dont honestly care.

So i was on my social networking site just cleaning up things putting new music up and what have you when i got an invite from 2 exes of mine.  now ex no 1 is a complete idiot. i dated him a few years back and i was young so we didnt have much in common so it was one of those blink and you will miss it cameo film parts that you have in your life. Now its fair for me to say ok look we are do now so whats the point in staying in touch hey. If we didnt work out as lovers than we would never work out as friends at all. So this guy has added me a few times on my social networking site. Now i did add him but when i did it was the biggest mistake ever on my part. This person and me had not much in common and with me being a bunny hugger and a veggie we are miles apart. So this is the part that infurited me. One day this idiot decided to post a comment on a fellow friends wall and i wont go into details but it kind of caused a massive amount of trouble between my and my friend. So in the end i had to block him. So after a while everything went back to normal right my life was back on track. (or so i thought it was) when idiot deicded to add me again. Now i turned down the requests a few times over manily because of the fact hes a mouthy idiot who always spat out shite on this page that he was on.   so after a few times of inviting me on social networking i just blocked him. thankfully i did ina way i have spend enough time in dealing with gobshites.

So with ex no 2 it was the same BS as ex no 1 you know the adding me on socail networking sites but this idiot had my number and kept tetxing and ringing me. Only that i had very good inner strenght and my best friend to help me out thru this time i think i would have crumbled but thankfully i didnt. So after a while of not asnwering my ohone or texts he fianlly got the message. But you see here is my point of this little rant of a blog. Why cant some people get over the bloody fact that you dont need them in your life. I mean ffs if i did that to a guy or girl i would be up as a stalker in front of my local judge.  I also think if a perosn that does not want you on their social networking site or answer your calls than they dont want to ever talk to you again.

But do you knwo what now that i look at things i actaully feel much better within myself. i recently took a time out from my social networking site and i felt a little better you know. But at the end of the day i am much stronger and feel so much better within myself thanks to my friends supporting me thru the tough times.  I think that also with me taking some much needed time out i can now deicded on what or who i want in my life. But i also think that i have now decided that i know what i want and i also know how i am going to get it.

Hmm i should really deciate this piece so i will do that so. Hmmmmmm to the person who has spend all their late nights staying up talking to me. For also picking me up litterly when i fell down and for also not judging me when i had my nightmare moments i do certainly hope that you will continue to stay in my life for all the future to see and i also think that you are one truely awesome person and i do hope that i can be there for you in your own times of trouble and need what am i saying your life is bloody perfect 😉

So heres a little track by my favourite band of late mumford and sons yes i know  have played them to death on my social networking page but i cant help but smile when i hear this track and i think of you.

 
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Posted by on 01/12/2011 in friends

 

Change for the better

A phoenix will always rise from the ashes and it represents change

 

Hmm so yes of late i have to admit that i have been very down. Now your probably all wondering why and this blog might explain a few things about why i have been down. now christmas came and went whihc was ok i guess. But i think that doom and gloom hit me on NYE.  You see the day was ok in itsself. got a realy nice phone call from a good friend of mine from australia. I also got to watch the hootananny on jules holland. I have to say i got to see good bands and i have now developed a taste for different sorts of music. For example I have now discovered a taste for folk music. i did like folk music wayy before it was labeled cool.  But now im liking it more. I have to say that i now know what to load up my new ipod when i do decide to get it.

I think for me what really pissed me off was that i spend all my happy new year texts to everyone on my phone. Now i sent about have a dozen messages off my phone and at this stage i was low on credit. So with in a hour i got a few responses back mainly from my bro gray few from down under and one from a really good friend of mine that i want to college with. i have to say that i was glad that i got my responses back but i got a very bad response from a certain person. the text message read who the f*&# is this? now i was startled when i got this message back. I just replyed back its me. Than i sat back and waited for an apology you think i got one back nope. This person who i kindly gave advice to them in the past regarding raising a puppy and giving general advice on everything life did not get back to me. Instead of letting this upset me i just got rid of the number. i mean at the end of the day of the day as oscar wilde says It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal. So i can now say that i have since got rid of that contact from my phone. In fact i got rid of all numbers that dont even bother to contact me at all.  At the end of the day whats the point in keeping numbers of contacts that you will never ever speak to again. Also its a good way of clearing up not only your phone but your life as well.

As for my new year plans well heres the thing. i have a few ideas that im putting to good use and beofre the negative idiots dare say anything i shall say this to quote moe from the simpsons pipe it down rub a dub. In plan english shutta up your face its my life and i will do what i want with it. Hmm firstly i will be learning to speak italian. i need a new language under my belt and i thik italian is a good place to start. also it will mean that i can hold a proper italian converstaion with my friend anna. Hmm secondly i plan to travel and go abroad if anything for a holiday who knows what will happen but again its just matter of me saving up for tickets and yes i do know where i am going thank you very much. Im also thinking of doing charity work as well. i think i will be doing some work with local animal shelters and i find that this work is massivey rewarding and i also get to work and work with cute animals as well. i have also made a promise to myself that i will not or ever will be no bodys fool ever. i think after my time of thinking and being alone. Im not going to fall for a smile and some idiot that can promise me the world sun moon and stars. i think we all know who we are talking about and nope i will not ever do that again. nah if anything i have set my sights further and and what or who i can see in the distant has a really nice view and thankfully also knows what they want or need in their life.

Hmm i also think that this year will be a good year of change and i do hope finally that this change will bring me to a new location that is both suitable and yet dog friendly for me and my little family. whither it be here or abroad who knows who knows indeed. I just hope that this move will haveen sooner rather than letter. i also hope that this move happens for all the right reasons.

I am also thiking that it would be a good thing for me to spread my wings and go nad make new friends outside of this twown. Im so sick of this one horse town and so tired of the fact that i have to either watch what i say and how i say it. being an aries i always speak my mind and that can somethings can get me into trouble. But again i wont be saying sorry. If  you cant accept me for all that i am well than walk away. I have never ever been the type to sugar coat something so sickly sweet that you would gladly eat it all up in one sitting. Also its much better to be honest i can assure you im not one that wears rose tinted glasses and blatter all on about how my life is great. I also will be seriously reveiwing certain friendships on my socail networking site. the fair few that have been good to me over the last few months have been very good to me and at times these people have welcomed me in to this work and personal lives and have always given me the good advice that i have so sorely needed.  You know you all all and thanks for giving it to me straight even at times when ceratin nuggets got stuck inside me like a piece of bad food. Thank for your honesty i can now truely go ahead with my own plans and not keep pushing it to the back of my mind.

finally i will also be getting rid of the sure fakeness of certain people from ym life. Boo hoo hoo hoo cetrain things may have happened to you. but do bulid and bridge and get over it. FFS if i have to hear anymore about ceratin bad things happen i will scream. ceratin things may happen to certain people but do you know what they get on with it and carry on forth. They dont keep going about about it anything i hear certain things like that its like being on a roundabout ok this happened you either move on forth and get the hell away from it. Sheesh some people are just born idiots.

Also one more thing a fellow blogger k8 the gr8 did a brillant blog puppy screwed about the infamous puppy love calender. If you want to do something for new year get your ass to the puppy love calender website or find them on facebook. All proceeds from the calender goes to ash animal shelter and i have to say myself Theres nothing like a gorgeous group of models working together with such cute cuddly creatures. Also the calender maybe be tongue in cheek all monies are going to a great charity.  I will even get getting onr for my house. Now where would i put it in the front room for all to see. If anything it would make for a great coversation starter. so thats all from me so bye for now/

 
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Posted by on 01/09/2011 in Uncategorized