Now talk about a weird title hey but when you do read this you can more than understand where im coming from on tonights piece. Now it would see in the last while i have picked up this thing called a routine. now i have to say and will be the first to admit i hate routine like i hate most responsibilities like getting things done around the house getting the bank done and also sorting out my own life it needs to be done.  Now i have to say when i first started this routine side of things for my life i hated it. I would kick and scream and bitch and moan and yes even at times cry over what needed to be done. But now that i have the routine of my every day life closely monitored and done i can feel and see things differently now.

I feel that with my new routine which i thought at first yeah this ain’t going to work for me is now like meeting an old friend and picking up where you left off. I have to say i feel calmer happier and well feel well within myself that i can mange things better and get on top of things and get them done quicker myself. But with routine sometimes only sometimes certain things can get boring and it gets to times like that in where i do think hmm should i really ddo this task today and than i think about to a life of no routine and think ohh yes i will feel better when that job is done and i can cross it off my list. I have to admit though my routine fell out of shorts of late due to home pressures and well general every day bother but now im back on track.

Im also happy to admit that now i have signed up for a full time graphic design course and also looking forward to well doing the 9 to 5 hours 5 days over 7 and also it will be good to be out with society and well it will also mean i can well make plans for the future for myself and my puppy. But what worries me though is this what if i don’t have enough time for the puppy and what if i dont have enough time to see my friends and well indulge my own hobbies and interests but thankfully now i’m working on it and not over thinking to much about stuff now. i think if anything well there is 2 thoughts here on this piece. First thought is well your thinking way to much and you need to relax and breathe and think about things carefully 1. Two well everything will fall into place and take your time. If i do come to place into my life in where i need to separate the wheat from the chaft that so be it. I mean if anything it will be a new challenge to face up to and who knows it could be only the making of me so lets hope either way i get somewhere and wish me luck with this.

To considering deleting “friends” from your Facebook friends list or deactivating your Facebook account entirely based on the sole perception that you aren’t really friends with these people. To start from the ground up afterwards with a new account or keep in touch only with those who survive the “nuke”

Now if i may be honest here i had to do the facebook nuke through no fault of my own about 6 months back and here is my reasons. Some time back i got into trouble on facebook for my views and ideas and thoughts on a lot of things and long behold one day when a person posted something up on a private group page that i was a member with i than decided to well let rip mainly my reason for the ripping was because well this person upset me and also they needed to be told a few home truths about themselves so i went forth let rip and left it at that. I left things alone and let the dust settle for a few days when i go back to log onto my account and i was blocked. Now to make a long story short i was blocked out of my account the content of my page was reported so i than said f**k it i dont have time for this and than opened up a private and new account.

It was quite simply to open the new account it was hard though taking everything back from my old account and posting it on the new page. In fact it got so hard i had to shut down and walk away before it drove me nuts. Now when i started up the new account which was only a matter of hours and a click of the mouse i got a huge warm welcome home. Ohh why the new page and why are you here now and im confused. It was than i had to explain what exactly happened and long behold i managed to get everyone back onto the account. Now i would have to say in doing this nuking accounts i can now say i can breath easily and also go about my social networking habits the best way i can. I now dont get stressed out over stupid posts well not as much as i use to and now i use facebook now as a sound cloud and my own bitch and i make it work for me. But in recent times when i have now been unblocked and in checking with my old account i have discovered that people are still adding me. Now i dont have problems with people adding me but why add me for if we have absolutely nothing in common with each other. So far i have had 3 people adding me from the old account and i think its the right time to say it here i dont really have anything in common with you.

I always try to warn people when they add me they should prepare themselves as i dont sugarcoat anything and well i add my own thoughts views pics even youtube clips on what i like. But now in saying this i do have to ask why even add me if you know your going yo get offended and report me to facebook. I think you would see from my own fb there is nothing to get offended by unless zombie killing and weaphons upset you than there is always the unfriend button i would suggest that you use it and get over yourself.

The journey is quite simply does exactly what is says on the album cover when i put on the cd and listened to the album for the first time i have to say i really enjoyed the soothing chilled out vibes and also with a hint of good electronica that would be reminiscent of germany’s kraft work with thomas’s own unique style of making his good blissed out beats to listen to with also very thoughtful and relaxing lyrics to listen to as well.

The opening track that opens the album is called the journey i have to say i liked what it offered with its futuristic sounds and blissed put beats which i found was also quite relaxing and ohh so calming to.

The next song that stood out for me was the song wrong. it had such a relaxing sound with soothing beats and it was also a sad song but sad is always good it was to me quite a personal song and it was one of heart break and those who may have been let down i have to say i enjoyed it a lot and thomas’s voice made it quite soothing to listening to.

The next track on the album was the superb into the city. this song for me had good uptempo beats and reminds of well going out and having a good time at discos you could maybe even create your own little disco at home with this track i have to say i really enjoyed the track a lot.

The next track that really put the album on the map for me was the sublime sacred life its just so calm and relaxing to listening to and its also reminds me of being one with nature and its also a great track to listen to while doing yoga as well which helped me while doing my yoga sessions at home.

I have to say i listen to this cd a few times over and every time i listen to it i cant help but find more ways to love this cd and with thomas janaks soothing voice and working of words with his awesome lyrics i would strongly recommend if anyone needs a cd to relax and listen to at home while working studying and wants a break away from the commercial chill out albums i would highly recommand the journey. The journey has something for everyone and i can assure you wont be disappointed

Now as you all know or may not know i happen to live in the little seaside town of bray co wicklow. Now people would always come up to me and say ahh bray how i love that town i remember walking along the promenade along with the parents as a child and also going to the fun fairs and having a blast on the waltzers and ahh sure the craic we would all have when we would visit so and so’s place and and we had such fond memories of this town and we should go there again.

Now all the while im hearing all this nostalgia of how my town was back in the day and its very much i would say in recent times say like like the last 20 odd so years of this nice town image that people paint. I kind of feel like saying yeah it must have been good to you know be able to reminisce about the good times that you all had there. Now fast forward 20 odd years later and sadly well my home town is dying a death. With recent events of companies shutting up shop and even now with my local and only video store getting ready for the guillotine as it were (xtra-vision video dvd stores went into receivership the other day fingers and toes crossed they don’t close down) i am well kind of feeling like yeah do i really want to stay here or what would be the best thing to do.

Now after careful consideration and a lot of careful thinking and planning i’m staying put in where i am but again im considering my options for a lot of different things. You see being in a small town it can but only bring out a ruthless and if i dare say greedy side to a lot of folks that do live here and sadly it now even shows in the every day world that is the social media show and tell theatre. Once again i will say this and to be honest with ya it will make you think ohh gee your being heartless or you may even say well fair point indeed. I find at times that the negativity and bs vibes that comes with this town is a really bad thing. Its now become so bad of late that i would not happily admit to shopping in dublin’s fair city and here is why. one there is always a chirpy smile from staff and customers alike nearly in every place you go to. Two there is more variety choice and value for money and three if you build up a friendship or even a professional relationship with the shop owners and why not you are sure to get a lot more value for money.

I think sadly with the way ireland has reacted to the economic bust people always want to run you down and say ahh here nothing good will come of this and heres a wee nugget of truth here people. I don’t earn much being a part time student but what i do earn i would happily put it into online stores and even people running a small business as long as you cater to my needs and give me a friendly smile than im all yours. But please leave all your unwanted bs shite talk at the door. yes we are going through a bad time but heres a wee thought for ya how about making your businesses work for you and make clients happy and stop complaining. As my dear old mum use to say once your above ground and breathing thats half the battle won. Now only if certain people would how do you say take this advice and maybe crack a smile and go ahead with it.

Yep today im working with this idea and here is why. For the last while this scenrio and piece has been going around and around in my head for the last while. Ohh you know what i would love to have a relationship like noah and ally from the book and film the notebook. Now not that i have an issue with the book and film in question but i do think sometimes certain people i know are about one dvd play away from having a bit of a melt down. If you are not familier with the notebook i will post the link up here. its just main ly guy meets girl they get on great yada yada something about where he needs to leave and she has to wait for her man. While she waits for him she meets someone else and cue the handsome guy who comes back to win her heart and well i dont know what happened from there. (i should apologise in advance i just really dont like these tip of films and massive apologies for the bad description of the book) well here is a trailer explaining the film. 

I have nothing against the notebook persay but i do think that at times its the kind of movie that gives you unrealistic expectations for when it comes to love. Ohh its so cute when they fight like cat and dog and ohh its so cute when it comes to their dates and courtships. But all the while while looking at this. I do think at times well some people always nines times out of ten expect romantic gestures like this all the time. I even have friends of mine fantasizing about this epic romance that happens in this film. *sighs* i wish himself would do all these romantic gestures for me. Now while i hear all this i kind of feel akward within myself. I know i should be all like ahh shucks maybe i want some of these to but when i think about it deep down i dont feel the need for romance you know. I dont know whether its because i embarrass easily or having a lack of a romantic side in me but nope not really i dont crave things like that not at all.

If i want hearts and flowers in my own way and style i would look at the likes of kevin smiths film chasing amy. You know the one in where theres a guy in the film called holden mcneil who is a comic book art that created blunt and chronic with this best friend banky. Well holden falls for this incredibly adorable girl or pile of pms alyssa jones.  Now during the film we find out that alyssa has a bit of a past and is well gay. Now during the time of their courtship. They became friends first but when holden feels the need to empty his feelings out to her during a rain soaked night she flips and screams at him saying ohh this cant happen and what not. But i will tell you they do end up together and for that brief second it is quite nice. I think if there is one part of the film which i loved was when they were in bed together and holden asked alyssa why me. her cute response was well you gave me that look and i got all wet. But when she went into detail on her response it was quite i would say one of the sweetest moments ever.But when the bad things start to well interfere with holden and alyssa’s relationship smith really thought that move out and without saying too much you kind of fee thrown for both sides if i be honest   I think for me that is an ideal movie to see for when you think yah i want one of those adult relationships. I think the tagline for chasing amy is sex is easy but love it hard. but it is true in what they say.

(Chasing amy)

Even sometimes from my own past i feel that well i was bit reckless in my past relationships but again i dont look upon them and think about them anymore. I hate to sound heartless but i do fee that its best to move onwards and upwards you know and if i be honest here it works out better all round for all those involved. But in saying this and writing this piece i think now im much more stronger than i was years back and i now go into everything with my eyes open wide and have great gusto and well always say look if things do end badly or if we never speak again well i will always have those memories that will make me smile and give me the warm fuzzies to keep me going during the cold winters night

I think well for most of my life music has always played a huge part of me in my life. When i was in primary school i was in a choir and sang well nearly every morning but it soon stopped when i left primary school and went into secondary school. My love of music didnt stop there though it really how do you say took a bit of a back seat but that didnt happen for long. I know for one when i was in secondary school i was into more the grunge scene and listened to well good music such as nirvana sound garden and primal scream. While my peers listened to well certain things that i would not call music but hey as i have always said each to their own you know and every has and always will have different opinions and choices when it comes to listening to music.

But i like to think that i did manage to dabble into all genres of music and even experienced the rave dance scenes and well danced and partied without the aid of stimulus drugs and what not in order to feel the music (dont ask me why people always say that to me) but now as i have gotten older and wiser in recent times in the vaults of older music i have found well certain pieces that i do love and enjoy. Other pieces well i would call them my guilty pleasures and would happily put them on and listen to them because they may have good memories attached to them but i have always said if i have ever went through a break up or a bad time i would flat out refuse to listen to any music that would remind me of that bad time. I have been even know to well delete the sad music or music that would remind me of bad times from my ipod even. So without further adue i will pick and choose a few beauts that well have good memories to them and again please give me feed back on this and share my your memories.

First song that reminds me of my childhood

prefab sprout cars and girls this will always reminds me of happy time spend in my childhood home in dublin and being in the huge house with my ma and da and yes even enjoying the dodgy fashion choices that we got to have as kids hee hee.

Song of the difficult teen years.

Soundgardens black hole sun was indeed the song for me and my generation it was the bad who also made me discover the smashing pumpkins as well. I think at that very time i decided to rebel against everything including my peers and no conform to this image of ohh yeah i listen to whatever people push out in order to make money. I do remember at that time that i also started dating guys and getting into well the serious side of my art work and even writing but sadly i wasn’t taken seriously by my critics which annoyed me more than ever so i decided to stuck my fingers up to them and say well f**k you so.

Song of the difficult teenage years two.

Smashing pumpkins bullet with butterfly wings. Yeah i remember listening to this song and completely relating to the lyrics one embarrassing thing that did happen though was when my teacher say that i put the lyrics up on my copy book despite all my rage i’m a rat in a cage. It was an elderly teacher that say this and thought that i had issues and i would be best off seeing the school counsellor in my school who was male and things were not made easier for me because i had a huge crush on him. I think that is where my habit of liking older men started off.

Graduation song.

Everybody wear sunscreen. Although i didnt graduate til 2002 1999 was the last year in my training course and it was a so so year. It was bitter sweet for all the right and wrong reasons. I remember getting all my folders and projects ready and i even remember writing a paper on baz luhrmann’s romeo and juilet and it was a paper that got me my first A. So again it was a good year. I think that this song well gives really good advice. I even now to this day have the lyrics on my wall and even follow the advice to this day.

Ohh you have been dumped song

Radiohead high and dry. Even though i got dumped to this song i really like. Although it was very shallow for the guy at that time to dump me to this song i would just like to say thanks to you i now know and love radiohead. FYI i was about 18 or 19 cant remember the exact age but hey buddy if you are reading kudos for introducing me to radiohead and hey listen buddy i have no bad feelings about you dumping me via a phone call.

Mums song..

After the storm

This piece will always remind me of mum and will always be a happy reminder of her and what she did for me. It was also a happy coincidence that she discovered this band through a friend of mine and his blog. So once again thank you for this and she also how do i say this said that the lead singer would make the perfect husband and father of my children sadly though he is happily married damn it why are all the good ones taken hey.

sad goodbyes.

Coldplays the scientist

i remember the day of my mums passing it was within itself unexpected and out of the blue. So i will keep this one short when she was well taken away from home this song played on the radio that night and to this day i cant ever listen to it ever. its such a personal song and the last time i did listen to it well it more or less destroyed me.

The one that helped me through the bad times.

this womans work kate bush. A certain and special someone introduced to this song. It actaully was the best song that helped me get through mums death and when i listened to it carefully i could relate to it. its quite one of the most beautiful pieces ever made and i just love it to bits.

The song that just really sums up everything that has happened in my life to this day.

Cinematic orchestra how to build a house.

This song quite simply one of the best songs even written and composed with such a feeling of content and happiness. Its a song that i can relate to and well it puts me at peace when i do get to listen to it. it also makes me feel like i have a purpose of living here and being with others in my life.

i could have not thought of a better word to give this following piece this name so many thanks to urban dictionary for the word and this is what calamazoo means awkward and strange. Now i have to say through no fault of my own i had a calamazoo moment there yesterday and like i always say certain names locations and situations have been changed around to protect privacy of those who may or may not be mentioned in this piece.

Now where do i start on this piece ohh yeah i will start with location it happened yesterday such a gorgeous day yesterday and i decided to take the ohh so furry and cute doggy that i have for a grand walk down along the pier and back strands of my beach and to say the least it was a great day for a walk. It was also a grand day for picture taking and sight seeing as well as i saw a few people out and about wither their kids and dogs and cameras and they of course were embracing the sunshine and we were both taking the sights in at our leisure and having fun along the way.

It was than calamazoo moment happened. I saw this tall shadow come towards me and i was i guess in another world when i heard this voice ahh hes gone into a grand guy look at the size of him wow. It was than i stopped in my tracks and i had to take a look it was my unfortunate ex that i use to date for years but we broke up well 2 years back to do complications. So while he spinned me a few lines on how grand the dog looked. I was in panic mode. Oh hi i said gee i didnt think i would see you here. So it was only 5 minutes into the conversation i had to get my head around things and think carefully in what to say.

After i got my breath the ex asked me to join him for a coffee and i said ahh sure why not what harm could it do. So me himself and the doggy went along to an outdoor coffee shop in where i had my coffee and doggy of course nicked my biscuits and than cue the chat to see what has been happening. Of course i just said yeah im now just working on becoming a designer and well going out there having fun going to nice places and even at times just you know self meeting good people and staying in contact with them and ahh yeah i have recently taken out a few projects and hobbies so have to say am happy in where im going and what im doing. So when the convo turned to him it was more or less the same thing. Ahh don’t see the lads anymore am going to the gym and ahh going to try and get into another course soon. Now i kind of took everything in with a pinch of salt it was only than when his friend turned up and joined us for coffee than things as it would seem to unravel. Without saying to much i heard a few home truths from the horses mouth and again it did make me think really your still doing the same thing and sadly it looks like you have no evolved so ahh what can i say.

After the second coffee it had come arpanet that i as a person had changed more so than him. It was like seeing an old life coming up again and i thought to myself in silence hmm people sadly will never ever change and in order for change to happen they need to accept certain things. i think in certain ways i shocked this person with the new things that i now do and i also said in a few sly digging way of my own. I truly love and take pleasure in everything that i now do and well will not make apologies for it at all. It was only than when i finished my 2nd coffee and got ready for the walk home than it came to me.

I know that and have even done a few silly mistakes and have even lost contact with a few people in my life and i have always reason to why i had to do this and i think this will go without saying unless you put in the effort to contact me and well listen to me and also make time for me than i will do the same. But if you ignore me and treat me like i don’t exist than i would see no point in staying in touch with you. But for those who i have loved and lost and even stay in touch with now i guess i should say thank you and for those of you who are not in touch with me well sorry i cut you out when i did maybe one day we will meet again.

its a question that i have been asking myself time and time again but it needs to be asked again whatever happened to mtv. I remember been heavily involved with mtv growing up in tne 90s listening to grunge music with the likes of sound garden smashing pumpkins and nirvana and the breeders. I also remember the days of mtv in where they had cool awesome hosts who did live presenting most days with cool presenters such as davina mccall and few others i can name. MTV also had great award shows for both film and music as well. I can also happily remember the mtv in where i discovered a lot of the music that i still listen to and even learned to sing and play a few tunes on the guitar but now for the life of me i don’t even know what happened to my beloved mtv now today.

i think it was the other night i flicked over to mtv for a few hours there was a few things i wanted to see but ohh god talk about a culture shock that i had for when it came to sitting down and watching mtv. 16 and pregnant. You know that tv show in where teenage girls who well get pregnant and than mtv decide to film their every move and put it out there. Its a show that i do have a massive dislike to.  How do i say this without sounding bad but 16 and pregnant seems to glamourise the life of being young and being a single mother and to be honest its not really a good show for well young people to see really. Another show that gets me is sweet 16 you know the one in where spoil brats get to have a massive sweet 16 f**k you birthday party it just made me gasp curse and scream when i see this show. Some uber spoiled brats and their parents have a lot to answer for and when i hear the actual requests that are given say to each party is also eye watering and shocking at times. It would sadly appear that today’s generation don’t seem to know the value of money but hey look let the parents get the spoil brats a new car that will cost so much that we may need to remortgage the house hey anything to keep daddys little princess happy.

Another how that i really dont get is the shore group i cant pic between jersery the valley or even the hills the shows now in themselves seem to be making the line for other tv stations to now make copy cat shows and decide to throw in a few beautiful people who can even show emotion due to the massive amounts of the botox masks that they were and again the drama is just made for the cameras. Now that is within in itself the most diabolical and stupid idea to ever get an airing and showing in todays world that we live in.

But hey in saying that i don’t watch mtv i have now been careful in what i watch and what i also comment on. MTV obviously now  taken note on what people do like now and with the current winners of this years brit awards 2013 with mumford and sons and ben howard winning awards it would seem mtv always hold one hour give or take in a week to hold a folking good hour of folk music. Now i do appreciate that mtv are doing this but maybe if mtv wants to keep hold of my attention i would suggest going back to the 90s format of non stop quality decent music and maybe the odd documentary that well makes sense to each and every one of us 90s kids that did enjoy the old mtv. After all without mtv i would have not discovered depeche mode kate bush sound garden but only to name a few. So come on mtv play nicely and bring back the music drop the reality shows and maybe bring on some good quality vjs that know what they are talking about. After all i would hate to pull my subscription on you guys and go forth to youtube and place all my worship there you know.

Don’t take offensive like but i think this would be best of you did things this way and if i be honest here it seems floppy and to much is going on here. That was a sentence that i well received ages back. Now don’t get me wrong i’m always one to get well constructive criticism but sometimes when do you draw the line at arrogance  and complete honesty that could and will maybe rip your work and your life and your dreams apart.   its a question that i always ask myself for my every day work of being a trainee designer and also when i work on other side line projects such as getting looks ready for any events that i have planned to take up in the next few months. i do sometimes think though i do get the lines blurred of brutal honesty and at times i do feel sometimes people make fun and poke fun at my work. I do sometimes laugh it off but sometimes what happens when you decide to show or tell someone what projects you maybe working on and they just literally feel the need to shot it down.

I think when i do show my work to people i just kind of put it in a way of well here have a look at this calender poster or leaflet im working on and tell me what you think of it. Sometimes the reactions i get are meh i dont really like that colour isn’t that a bit like too much work for one project. I’m always careful in what i do and how i say things back. i always come up with the answer of well this is my colours styles and well i do like using this font because its clean smart and you can actually read it and do remember we do spend most of our lives looking at ad products and things we may want or need in our every day lives it may capture the readers eye for 5 seconds before they think ohh yeah ace design i want to buy that perfume dvd book even at times items of clothing.

But of late i have been getting good feed back on my work and i am well kind if glad that i am going in the right direction but again why do people feel the need to pick holes in stuff and give stupid invaild reasons to why they dont like certain things. I think if im being honest say for example ohh i dont like red in this picture. it would be than i would step in and say why dont you like red. I think if i was being honest i would always sometimes maybe give a honest and valid answer to why i don’t like certain things. But in while trying to come off as nice and genuine in giving my answer i always take into consideration other peoples thoughts and feelings and even say look i do like this and i think its excellent and than i would give little tips and hints when i think its wise to. I just sadly wish sometimes people would well take an interest into my life and well express some sort of interest and let me know feel that all the work that i have done of late was not done in vain.

Here is a brief clip from sex and the city and really it does show you what happened when certain people close up that wall.

Now this is how i came up with the idea for this piece. A little while back a good friend of mine got into bit of mess and was very sick. Now being the caring person that i am i took the time out of my own life to look after them. Now the illness was pretty serious so when i got the call that they were very sick i didnt needed to be asked twice to look after this person. So i made my excuses and headed out to my friends house with supplies and even took over a night bag with me. I also made sure that things were ok here eg dog was going to be ok with sitter and also made sure all my work was handed in and than also made sure than people who needed me urgently would get me via mail and text.

Now when i came to visit my friend they were in a sorry state so i took it upon myself to look after them made sure they were ok and got them supplies as well. It was than after a little while of tlc fluffed pillows and a bit of well house work and what not they got better. But all the while this all happened  They made the mistake of telling some people of his illness on a social networking site. So again it didn’t really help things it just really hindered them more than anything. Cue idiots saying ohh your faking it and ohh god you really are misfortuned and so on. But it was only told to me in recent times that not only was i the only person who dropped everything to make sure he was ok but i was the only person who rang them back made sure they were ok and demanded that they go to hospital with their illness. So the big question was asked. Why did you do all that for me? It was than i gave the answer your my friend and i care for you and i’m sorry but i would have done the same for you even if i didnt speak to you. Also i did all of the about because i do have a heart and yes i do care a great big deal about you. Im not a nameless or faceless person who only shows interest in your life when it suits me no im a person who cares and well i feel as though that its my right to be there for you and even look after you when you do get sick.

It was than after i had this talk with my friend i came to the idea that well people who do care about other people and other things that maybe passionate about could end up more or less hurt in a lot of ways. I know and have seen it in my own past that i do sometimes end up getting hurt in the end. But i know with my friends circumstances i went in fully prepared and did what i could at that give situation in order to make sure that they were ok. But i do have a question now that well may bite me now so here is my question? Why do people that show a caring side sometimes yet always get hurt. I think its mainly due to the fact for when you do decide to show a caring side towards others they can either see it as a weakness or in some cases a way to take advantage of someone. I do know in the past with well bad choices in men i was not so great in choosing them and when it came to certain things like fights breakups and even rows i was always the one who asked the same question why in the name of sweet h christ cn you not care about me. Why do i always have to be the one that shows you compassion affection even at times love. Why is it that you have this wall around you.

It was only in recent times i found out the answer to this and it was a sad one. It was through a tv show i found the answer to this question. The show in question is hollyoaks and the relationship was centred around ste and brenden. Ste is a young guy who is openly gay and brenden is an irish man who is also gay but could never admit to his lifestyle in fear of what people may say. Now through out the time of the shows beiween benden and ste you could see a somewhat great romance developing but yet there was always strong issues of well feelings and challenges that faced them on a day to day basis. Now when brenden started to show ste any kind of affection he would than slip into his bad ways and than start taking his anger out on ste which is wrong. But when you see what happened in brendens past brendens character was abused as a child by his father you can not help but feel sorry for brenden but i have to say i dont condone violent behaviour but sometimes it would appear we all have each others angels and demons to well deal with and work with them in order to get things done.

Brenden and Ste photocredits digital spy…

But here is my question to you all. Is it ever right to well put up a wall around people and close it up for when people want to get close to you. I think not because i was and well still can be a right stubborne little madame when i want to be. But it was only in recent times  i had to give up the stuborn because well it was good for my own sanity and my own relationships here.  But hey its working out me so far so good just hope and pray and i can do this all and soon.