its all about the music for me

Yes for today i have decided to write about one of my favpurite passions i have decided that todays piece will be about music and i will also e happy to share a few gems with you all that well i can relate to and i do kind of hope that you like it and i would also like to hear what music you  guys and girls like as well.

I think well for most of my life music has always played a huge part of me in my life. When i was in primary school i was in a choir and sang well nearly every morning but it soon stopped when i left primary school and went into secondary school. My love of music didnt stop there though it really how do you say took a bit of a back seat but that didnt happen for long. I know for one when i was in secondary school i was into more the grunge scene and listened to well good music such as nirvana sound garden and primal scream. While my peers listened to well certain things that i would not call music but hey as i have always said each to their own you know and every has and always will have different opinions and choices when it comes to listening to music.

But i like to think that i did manage to dabble into all genres of music and even experienced the rave dance scenes and well danced and partied without the aid of stimulus drugs and what not in order to feel the music (dont ask me why people always say that to me) but now as i have gotten older and wiser in recent times in the vaults of older music i have found well certain pieces that i do love and enjoy. Other pieces well i would call them my guilty pleasures and would happily put them on and listen to them because they may have good memories attached to them but i have always said if i have ever went through a break up or a bad time i would flat out refuse to listen to any music that would remind me of that bad time. I have been even know to well delete the sad music or music that would remind me of bad times from my ipod even. So without further adue i will pick and choose a few beauts that well have good memories to them and again please give me feed back on this and share my your memories.

First song that reminds me of my childhood

prefab sprout cars and girls this will always reminds me of happy time spend in my childhood home in dublin and being in the huge house with my ma and da and yes even enjoying the dodgy fashion choices that we got to have as kids hee hee.

Song of the difficult teen years.

Soundgardens black hole sun was indeed the song for me and my generation it was the bad who also made me discover the smashing pumpkins as well. I think at that very time i decided to rebel against everything including my peers and no conform to this image of ohh yeah i listen to whatever people push out in order to make money. I do remember at that time that i also started dating guys and getting into well the serious side of my art work and even writing but sadly i wasn’t taken seriously by my critics which annoyed me more than ever so i decided to stuck my fingers up to them and say well f**k you so.

Song of the difficult teenage years two.

Smashing pumpkins bullet with butterfly wings. Yeah i remember listening to this song and completely relating to the lyrics one embarrassing thing that did happen though was when my teacher say that i put the lyrics up on my copy book despite all my rage i’m a rat in a cage. It was an elderly teacher that say this and thought that i had issues and i would be best off seeing the school counsellor in my school who was male and things were not made easier for me because i had a huge crush on him. I think that is where my habit of liking older men started off.

Graduation song.

Everybody wear sunscreen. Although i didnt graduate til 2002 1999 was the last year in my training course and it was a so so year. It was bitter sweet for all the right and wrong reasons. I remember getting all my folders and projects ready and i even remember writing a paper on baz luhrmann’s romeo and juilet and it was a paper that got me my first A. So again it was a good year. I think that this song well gives really good advice. I even now to this day have the lyrics on my wall and even follow the advice to this day.

Ohh you have been dumped song

Radiohead high and dry. Even though i got dumped to this song i really like. Although it was very shallow for the guy at that time to dump me to this song i would just like to say thanks to you i now know and love radiohead. FYI i was about 18 or 19 cant remember the exact age but hey buddy if you are reading kudos for introducing me to radiohead and hey listen buddy i have no bad feelings about you dumping me via a phone call.

Mums song..

After the storm

This piece will always remind me of mum and will always be a happy reminder of her and what she did for me. It was also a happy coincidence that she discovered this band through a friend of mine and his blog. So once again thank you for this and she also how do i say this said that the lead singer would make the perfect husband and father of my children sadly though he is happily married damn it why are all the good ones taken hey.

sad goodbyes.

Coldplays the scientist

i remember the day of my mums passing it was within itself unexpected and out of the blue. So i will keep this one short when she was well taken away from home this song played on the radio that night and to this day i cant ever listen to it ever. its such a personal song and the last time i did listen to it well it more or less destroyed me.

The one that helped me through the bad times.

this womans work kate bush. A certain and special someone introduced to this song. It actaully was the best song that helped me get through mums death and when i listened to it carefully i could relate to it. its quite one of the most beautiful pieces ever made and i just love it to bits.

The song that just really sums up everything that has happened in my life to this day.

Cinematic orchestra how to build a house.

This song quite simply one of the best songs even written and composed with such a feeling of content and happiness. Its a song that i can relate to and well it puts me at peace when i do get to listen to it. it also makes me feel like i have a purpose of living here and being with others in my life.

 

 

you have to loose yourself in order to find yourself

inspirational piece photo credits google images

So as you may or may know who as i may have said in my last blog piece that it looks like that i may have lost my mojo for certain things. But after the day that has been in it and after a whole lot of quite time and soul searching i am happy to announce that im slowly but surely getting myself back together.

I think the sudden lost for everything that i loved and enjoyed doing dearly was well mainly to well an impending anniversey coming up and also well i have been so hard on certain people of late. Again this goes without saying that i would like to apologize for being this way and i know action speak louder than words.

But i think that you should all know now that im working on 2 inpending college assignments that are very interesting to say the least. The first college assignment is well an inspirational project in where we choice a subject it can be a person or anything that inspires you and makes you happy and spurs you on to well achieve the desired goal and to also well make you feel like yeah it will be all worth it in the end. I decided for my subject i chose shep for this project. Here is my reason why. Shep maybe be a dog in other peoples eyes but hes more than a dog to me hes my best friend the one i talk to when im not around people and is also there for me when I’m sick or if anyone has let me down. He has been a wee tower of strength to me for the last while and i think within the last year alone i could have not doing anything without his little tail wagging and him nudging me to bring him for walks and to also clear my head and well gather my own thoughts in my head. So shep will feature in a inspirational poster with a quote that really sums him up as the awesome dog that he is.

 

 

My furry little dude and best friend shep

Well for my second project i will hopefully be doing a zombie handout guide. It will be a guide on how to survive Dublin during the times of madness when the zombies decide to take over well Dublin and what things you will need in order to survive the madness and i will be also trying to tie in Dublin landscapes that are well known and very popular with  people who are from Dublin and well who visit Dublin regularly so it should be a fun assignment to do.

 

Zombie nurse Credits google images

As for the other non related college assignments i am planning to work on things at my end one day at a time and so far its been good. I have now exercised certain control and restraint and well its been going good. I have to say that i am thankful for the support and kind words of late that i have been getting off others. I know again i deserve less than this but it means a lot to me that people have been willing to support me thru this and more.

So thats really all from me for now i better get back to work as i not only have 2 assignments to finish but i also must finish off the hobbit as well.

 

times like this we learn who we really are

 

 

 

So of late i havent been really going thru a good time and to be exact. it has been a non stop roller coaster of emotions of late. FIrst im up than im down. One minute i love you next minute i hate you one minute i want to cuddle you next mind i want to kill you. Now you obiviously get where im coming from right. BUt i have to say without saying names i have had a few good friends that have litterly stood by me thru the test of time and even stood by when i litterly did the exorist 360 headspin while spewing green vomit. Now i bet your all going to ask what exactly is going on. If the truth be told a certain anniversery is coming up and im well having the hardest time dealing with everything. BUt if im being honest here and with myself. I think this bad behaviour is mainly due down to my own insecurities and also the feeling of loss sadness and pain that im going thru.

Now have to say that my friends have been more than good of late with late night talking sessions and also having the comfort of them being there for me when i have been an absolute bitch to them has been good for me and in a way i must have good friends as they havent left me of late. But here is the other side of the coin.

I have to say in my better days im always there for people. whether its issues regarding their personal life bfs/gfs even maybe job issues. I always crack up the wine coffee or beer and get them to spill their guts. After the talk we than come to a answer for the problems and than try and fix them. But of late a certain people that i know hasnt really well been there. I decided to talk to them the other day about this rather personal issue and within 2 mins into the conversation she decided to flip side it on its back. ohhh im not having a good day as well. It was than i kind of felt like ahh FFS there is no point in talking to you and i had to walk away from it all.

But when i did walk away i saw a piece of myself in this person. I went out there ages back and well had dinner with a friend and we were casually shooting the breeze when he brought up some1 i didnt really like at all. I than just took a breath and decided to change the conversation it was than my friend said you really need to stop doing this. I looked at them shocked and said stop what exactly. Flipping the conversation on its head. To make it more appeeling to you its a rather an annoying habit you have. So i took all this in and have to say im now working on this matter as i speak.

But here is my question to all of you? when is it or is it not right to bring up such personal its all about me issues. Now i have to admit i have been going thru a hard time but i have my own reasons for it. yes my behaviour was at times sickening shocking and even at times tears were shed and words were screamed out when they never meant to be. but here is the thing even though i have given a few people hell of late they are still here picking me up and putting me back together like an accordian and im sincerly grateful for that.

But i like to think that we are all each others demons and angels its just really a matter of finding out who is who and what part they play. my friend was part demon in sum ways you cant keep doing this dont keep pushing unless you want the wrong reaction but they were also part angel. the angel part of them said i know your hurting but your only hurting yourself and its making things harder and its also making me harder to stick around with you. it was than when all this was said that i decided to take stock of my life and take a breath breathe and walk away.

But in saying this though i am and always will be forever grateful for the time that this person took out in order to look out for me listen to me and even well made sure that i was ok and im more than thankful for this.

 

we dont talk anymore..

 

 

 

Right for the last while and i think i said the same thing a few blogs back on how friends that we use to know now have either drifted apart and dont really speak to us anymore. Now i think i may have the answer to why people drift apart for and here is it. People who say that they are your friends dont feel the need or even take into account your feelings anymore. I mean i have even experienced it there the other day. I met a friend of mine is passing i said hi how are you doing and whats happening. It was sadly like talking to a stranger even sare i say it talking to a blank wall. She just kept saying im slighty hung over and well i have to go to work today. So in  a way when i was speaking to her i had this vision in my head of trying to open a really tight jar of pickles i would twist them i would even bang them on the table but still no joy in opening up.

But i dont think it would be fair to place all the blame on my friend no i have been known to be quite around people and can even make things akward by not speaking at all in big crowds. But i have my own excuse of not talking to people. I have heard it all before the stories and and i could say well you did tell me this story at that time but that would be rude and offensive. No i would be more like ok im walking away from this. In doing this im taking myself away from all the bs and crap and also sparing peoples feelings.  But now that i think about it when im writing this piece i just think mainly people sadly dont put in the effort anymore to anything really.

Sadly a majority of friendships die a lot of people sadly dont talk because they are more about themselves and whats going on with their own life and sadly well dare i say it dont give a fuck about you in a way. Now i think from my own experience if i dont want to talk to any1 i just well get rid of their number and delete their details and than more on. If i do happen to meet them there should not be any akwardness between us its just sadly the way life is in a way.  I think i know why certain people fall out and not speak to each other anymore. Its mainly because friendships sadly take effort and certain people would go ahead and say hmm ok well i could put in the effort elsewhere you know. I dont think anything really on this subject matter accept hmm ok than maybe i wasnt your time or effort anymore now.

But like me if you do find yourself in this space in where people are just plainly avoiding you point blank just do what i do. Ignore them and pay no attention to them. But its in cases like this you would hear the phone agoing or even messages being sent to you that may go along the lines of ohh you dont talk to me anymore why? Well here is the reason why i dont talk to you anymore you dont put in the effort with me anymore so go fuck yourself.

 

sumthing tells me your not happy..

 

 

So since we last spoke or should it be since i last written my blog piece i have since and well have even experienced some people who are how do we say hmm whats that word unbelievely childish and have been showing their spiteful sides on a few occasions and more. I think in writing this piece i think it needs to be sad why do certain people feel the need to kill each others dreams and ambitions for when tha other person could be in that good place.

I know that without saying to much im in a good place right now with eerything going on and to say the least im srating a new course in sept and well am looking forward to doing my course and well i do have a few other plans in the pipeline that im not going to say to much on as well its private. But when i met a few friends of mine on seperate occasions i got 2 complety different responses. Here is an example of response A ohh hey there guess what im starting a new course in sept and have being doing x y and z and also im doing up the house to my own style. This was their response ohh your going back to college for the upteenth time your not going to finish the course and also wellwhats the point in getting your hopes up when you know it will crash and burn and well things wil end badly. I was just sat there with a forced smile on my face and trying to bite my lip all the while trying not to either cry flip out or even strangle this person. Needless to say my phone rang and i made my excuses and walked away. I have to say i walked home kicking the pavement and well hissing under my breath. While option B happened the very nice day same situation met up with a friend told her the same news and she was like well fair play to ya and congrats on the course and doing up the house and going with the plans and also getting on with life. You need to put yourself first girl and well enjoy everything that is happening now.

So while i was getting this advice i had to ask the questions on the previous days events with the othr former friend. Well i was shocked to hear that not only did my former friend knife me in the back from time to time but also slagged me off rotten and also could not contain her happiness for when certain things bad things that happened in my life. It turns out this person also felt the need to undermine every1 her and felt that she would always need to be first in everything. now when my friend told me thing i thought in the back of my head right she clearly is such an unbelievely selfish twat who cant be happy for me.

Needless to say i havent spoken to this person since i last saw her. I mean who was i to kid myself in thinking i would need this bs crap and unnesscery drama that came with her. I mean anytime i was around here it was me me me and it was starting to drain me and made me evualate not only my life but our friendship as well. It felt like to me that they always felt the need to undermine me and think ok im not happy unless im the top dog.

But i have to say now since i dont speak to this person anymore i feel freeier and lighter and also im able to concerntrate on myself and well other things that are going on in my life. I think sadly this person clearly needs to grow up and stop feeling the need to be the centre of attention and respect others and also keep their thoughtless words and actions to themselves and please if they cant be happy for me wel than we might not be friends at all so.

 

hmm 50 shades of what exactly?

This could be good for all the right reasons but again could be bad for all thw wrong reasons.

 

So in the new few days that’s in it i have decided to start on a new book series.  Now as you may or may not know i have always happily read enjoyed and at times dreamed about the following books which include and in no particular order. The vampire diaries twilight how of midnight serious and vampire academy and also lets not forget the true blood book series and sookie stackhouse book series as well.  Yes i will be the first to admit that i do have an addiction to vampires werewolves and i always like to embrace the dark side.

Now over the last while you may or may not have heard of this book series called 50 shades of grey by E.L James and its based on the fictional character christian grey who is a billionaire who has a kinky side that loves BDSM sex and well meets this young young lady called  Anastasia Steele and they decide to partake in all thsse dirty deeds in his red room of pain. I also think they partake in a relationship of BDSM as well and also love to oush the bounderies as well. Now from what i have read on this book and from what my friends has told me both online and also with meeting them for coffee it sounds like a book that has got sum mixed reviews and also i think does not deserve its bad hardship and press that it has been getting over the last while.

Now i will be the first to admit that i have even slagged off this book rotten on my own social networking page but i think i am prepared to well get a copy and see what all the hype is about. I know that  50 shades of grey is a 3 book series that has 50 shades of grey 50 shades darker and 50 shades freed. So it looks like i may or may not be busy over the next while with this book.

But in my defense why has this book gotten back rep in both the press and on line i think i may or may not have the answers here but from what i see some people dont like the sex content some people find the whole BDSM side of things a bit weird and even some people have called this book mommy porn. So being a writer myself i will be only to happy to grab a copy of this book check it out and see what all the huffle and buffle is about. I think though i will say hand on heart i may like this book again i may even hate this book and call it a lot of tripe but either way im happy to buy a copy and well see how i get along with it.

Now granted it be it may it will take me a few days to read it so im going to avoid writing for the next few days and well when im done with the first book or even let alone the first chapter i will be back here to let you know how i get on with it so. Now all i need now is to pour myself into a corset and get out my blindfold whips and a willing victim to partake in my own little games hee hee hee laughs evily.

 

WATCH THIS SPACE

 

For my mum gemma

 

Gemma Jan Dixon Rogers 10 5 1940 3 12 2011 RIP

 

 

Just to say that this piece of music was played at my mums funeral and needless to say its quite a touching piece of music that will always remind me of her and it may also be played at my own wedding but i needs to back a hubby first and i aint rushing into that likely.

 

canon in D original instruments

 

I have been avoiding for the last while in writing this piece as its quite well a very personal piece so after a lot of soul searching and also support from close friends that live abroad and also who live around me in the Dublin area i have decided that today would be a good day to do this piece. Now i think i should really owe a sincere apology to my mum Gemma for this piece mum im so sorry that im only writing this now and yes i know i should have spoken at your funeral but i think that it would be would have not been appropriate to write a piece and say it at your funeral as we only would both get the personal in jokes and little stories that we both had and no one else would get the little parties that you had with mr sheps for when i went out shopping.

When people ask me what my mum was like well she was this she was a truely awesome lady who had the most warmest heart the biggest smile and also had light for your smoke and also had great advice to give to those who would listen to her and come to her in their time of need. My mum was at a late age when had me but when she had my 2 older brothers she was a pretty great mum to both sons. Mum also took the boys to horse riding and give them everything they could want and more. Mum would also reminisce on the time that she met that and how dad picked her up in a very stylish old car and my aunts and uncles would look out the window for when he came to collecting her. My own grandmother even said that mum had great taste in courting dad and i think that both my grandparents were happy for then they got married. My mum would also say that when she had me it was well a great but long and lazy day hee hee but she said your were worth the time the effort and the bloody strong pain killers that i had to take when she had me.

I also remember in growing up with mum she always put lipstick on me and put me in little dresses and treated me like a little princess needless to say i had other ideas when i could come in 5 mins later covered in dirt from head to do by playing with the family dog in the work shed that both parents owned. I also remember when i was younger mum was such an excellent cook and also made the best dishes ever especially for when it came to sandwiches and certain roasts that she would make for all of us.  What i do remember about her best was her kind heart and the way she would also give me hugs and kiss me on the cheek when i fell down and hurt my knee.

As i grew up me and mum had good times and the odd fight but we would always make up and than go back to being best friends. I remember the first time i discovered boys and a very nice italian boy liked me and asked me out right in front of mum needless to say i was scarlett as anything and mum kept asking me that day for all the details whats his name can you speak italian to him ohh hes such a nice and you should ask him over for dinner. Mum always though do spur me on and supported me in everything that i did. I remember doing my both my junior cert and leaving cert she was at that time great to me. She always made she i ate ok and went through my notes with me. When i got the results for my junior cert english paper she litterly screamed in joy and brought me out shopping that day. It was one of the great days of being with mum because she drove at that time to my old school and collected me and we went out for lunch. She was also especially good to me through out the leaving cert and even was patient with me when i had screaming matches with her for when i was trying to study for the maths paper and nothing would stay in. Mum always had this great ability to handle me at my best and to also handle me at my worst as well.

Anytime me and mum had a falling out we would be both stubborn as anything and it would be here to break the ice and well get the how do you say peace talks going. Mum would always nearly get me out of bad form by making nice dishes for me and also buying me new tops dresses cassettes and cds for my music collection. Mum also always had a great sense of style dignity and class about her as well. She would always dress up nice and i would happy fuss over here while doing her hair and make up as well. Mum also loved going to her local pub and shooting the breeze with her friends and having a smoke as well. When the smoking ban came in she said well im fecked if im going out paying 2 40 euros for a glass of water you know. So when mum and i did go out i always put in the time and effort in getting her ready for our special days.

It was only in the last few years of her life she got so sick and nearly died on my twice in hospital. I remember the night that she was taken to hospital due to a ulcer bleed in her stomach and how my elderly neighbour managed to keep me calm and keep me from falling apart right in front of her. It was also good that my neighbour held her hand and kept speaking to her while i paced the floors frantic in waiting for the doctors to come.  Needless to say mum stayed in hosptial for a while and than came home when she got better.

I think though in mums last few years of her life she became tired and sad. She would say things to me and i would always pick up her spirits and tell her to not think or say anything or do anything bad at all. Mum also had that chillout vibe and even discovered nu folk bands and music and had even said if you bring home that guy from mumford and sons i would happily marry you guys in the sitting room and be done with ya. Mum would also always tell me about the dances that she and edward went to and how they always had fun and also had a laugh together. Mum would also tell me about the time she dealt with rather colour characters that she had met in the car trade and how they would ask her for discounts and she would also say well i  fairness i am giving you a deal after all. Mum also once told me the rather funny story of how my dad went out to a party and never came home for a few days. Needless to say edward strolled in the door and of course mum being mad as anything that she was picked  up a platform heel and threw it at edwards direction he than ducked down saying that could of hit you know and she than screamed at him it was f**king meant to ya. Hee hee needless to say they soon spoke again a short while after that.

From what i can remember in moms last few months here she was in such great spirits and also had me in stitches laughing with the dog. Mum had one of those beds in where you could store things underneath and needless to say shep would hide under there. Any time i would ask mum where shep she would say ohh hes in his man tunnel he wants time out from the girls. The girls being me and her of course. But she always would crack me up laughing anytime i went out. She would ring me on my phone and say ohh shep wants to talk to you and i would happily say hi there shep are you a good boy needless to say shep would wag his tail and lick my mums phone and they always had their little parties when i was out of course doing the bits and pieces for her. I think when i got shep first mum never liked him as she didnt want a dog in the house but needless to say they became best friends very soon after i got him.

From what i remember in the last years before my mum died was all shep and her related and needless to say there were funny times. I remember when the chilean miners got trapped in the mines and shep accidently  got stuck under my mums bed and needless to say 4 hours of trying to get the pup out made for funny times. I dont know what was more funny shep howling every 5 mins or mum saying to him you think you have it bad try and be stuck like those chilean lads in chile it was times like that she would always have me in tears laughing and she would be like what are you laughing at and between trying to keep a serious face and also not laughing was indeed very hard to do.

What i do miss about mum though if celebrating the little things in my life that mean a lot to me and more. I recently to meet an idol of mine a few months back matt cardle who won the x factor and needless to say i could not hide my europhic joy of meeting him and i had no one to share this incredible high with.  I also miss in how mum would always check on me at late times of the night when i would be asleep and i also miss the fact of talking to her every day. I also miss the affection and the gentle stroke that show would give me on the cheek and kiss that only a mother gives to her child and anytime mum would do that to me i would be like mum stop that and she would always say look i wont always be here and you will miss that when im gone.

I remember the morning that was our last morning together mum wasnt well and i was in a foul mood to say the least. She asked me to do the shopping for her and i said look can i do it later i have to head into the city for a meeting but she won me around and i did the shopping for her and needless to say i missed the meeting in the city. i came home exhausted tired and sat beside her on her bed and asked her how her day was. She looked tired and weak and said look i dont feel well. I than just casually said look of you need to doctor i will call her and she said no please dont i dont need any1 just let me be and sit with me. needless to say i said with her and she kept sleeping and dreaming and i remember the last time i spoke to her that night and she asked for my father and toby the family dog i just said to her look dad took him out for a walk and he will be back soon i promise. She than said to me look im not going to worry anymore and im looking forward to xmas ok and oh yeah promise me that you wont ever settle for less and please contact that friend of yours ok it would be nice to see ya with sum1. It was that night that while she slept i had to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight and even brushed her hair a certain way.

Needless to say when well mum died it felt like the most important part of me died that day. It was without a shadow of doubt such an unbelieveable inpact of a hit that well to this day im surprised that didnt kill me as well. The funeral arrangements and even her funeral was a blur of emotions and seeing and meeting family that i havent ever seen in my life and also trying keep everything into check i was how do you say on auto drive with my own emotions and trying to smile and greet people was the toughest part ever. I was though grateful though for a few  really good friends of mine that well took the time out and supported me and even gave me the kind words of support. I also think that in a way we did give her a good senting off well i like to think that we all did you know.

So im going to raise a glass to my awssome lovely gorgeous lady who loved her smokes her toastys her hollyoaks and corrie and also loved the universal channel shows and who also developed a taste for my own vegan diet as well. There you go mum you cant say i did ya bad now my last word count is 2292 words wow all i can say is that your worth every word love you massively and mr sheps misses you as well.

 

Drifting along or drifting apart?

 

 

im not sad that we dont speak im just sad you dont make the effort anymore

 

So for the last while i have been going thru recent changes in myself. I mean i know i said ages back that i might be going back to school. I also know that i said that i would be doing certain things in my life such as travelling or maybe even going on holidays abroad. But alas i have put a few plans on the back burner for a while. Mainly due to the fact that i have well other commitments in my life and well money has been tight of late. I mean who knew that you would need such things as a job money and even a few other things in order go get my plans up and running. I kid i kid of course i knew all this i mean that i would need funds in order to fufil my dreams and well they will happen all in a good time.

BUt sadly what i have noticed of late is that i have been drifting apart for a lot of my friends. I just remember this hit me last night. I was talking to my best friend in sydney and we were talking about gigs he went to and also up and coming tatts that we both might be getting. So as he went off to get his coffee. I checked out gigs that will be happening in the summer. Now im going to well plan to go to oxygen and electric picnic this year. I mean i was already offered tickets for the weezer gig and lord only knows im a massive weezer fan. So i happily clicked on the electric picnic webpage and i was very impressed to hear my favourite candadian cool kids arcade fire playing this year. So being all excited and simply bursting at the seems i texted every1. Come on who is with me for going to electric picnic we can all make a weekend of it and tickets are at good prices so comeon is with me on this. Now i did not hear naything yet and i took it into note that it was late last night and well every1 might be asleep. But nothing prepared for what news i got next. I got one text saying ohh thats like ages away and we will see. I was pretty dismayed and pissed at the same time. The last time i was this excited by anything was when simon fagan came to town and i got to meet him. Than it just hit me. I have out grown my friends.

Now i didnt cry i just thought ohh it looks like i have out grown every1. Now its kind of sad really now that i think about this. It also sent me spinning to my friend in sydney. Jeeze i hope your not going to dump me next. BUts sad when you realise sumthing like this. I have been friends with these people for years i went to school with them. I even catered for their nights at the pubs and night clubs i worked in and i even helped them wet the babies head. But apartily i ask my friends for too much of late. Now to say the least i would say that the friends that i have made in recent times that i have made on social networking sites are more like genuine friends to me than the so called friends that i did have. I mean if anything all it takes if a poke a quick hi and event a comment on a link or photo or song that they might have put up on their page. Now thankfully my mate in sydney was extremely kind enough to let me spin and than help me put with this situtaion and for that i would be lost without him. But seriously as for my so called friends well sadly it looks like its good from me. Do you know what i dont even feel sad when i think about it let alone say it. I have always been a self relant little ragamuffin 1 2 i dont acatully relate to my so called friends anymore and 3 well my friends on my social network site have been so awesome to me of late. They have also been there for me thru the thick and thin of it and also have made ma laugh out loud so many times im actaully surprised that i can stand up staright from the amount pf laughter that these people give me on a daily basis.

Now i do know that certain people have went thru certain changes such as having children moving abroad or even well other every day life. So to those people who have let me down. well its been swell but i really think that it might be my time to move on and well do my own thing. Now where is my tattoo artist friends and folk musican friends and fellow bloggers when i need them. 

Watch this space

 

the 1 who got away

 

 

 

 

So i have to say i have been going thru a some what interesting change in my life. I mean like nothing has happened of late work wise. But sumthing very interesting happen there at the weekend there. I was happily walking around my town with my vegan latte when i heard a familier voice say hello to me. It was a ghost from my past and to say the least i havent spoken to this ghost in a really long time. Now when it comes to my exes i sumwhat will admit i dont have the best case history when it comes to ex BFs. But i think if anything i would always try and stay friends with my exes. I mean im friends with 2 of my ex BFs on a social networking site and yes at times we do talk laugh share links and also check in to see how the other one is doing.

But i think with this ex well it was sumwhat surprising seeing him. So we went for a drink spoke for ages and exchanged blow by blow accounts of what is happening in our lives. What kind of made it sad when i told him about my own issues and about what has happened in my life. Now i cant really say much about whats happened to me but all i will say is my health kind of sucks of late. So when i told him all this. It hit him hit him really hard. Jesus you have been thru the wars havent you he said. Well you could say that yeah and also ahh im ok at times tis hard though to not well get thru the day without being upset.  So when i said that he just fell apart and said he lost sumthing in me.

When i heard this i actaully felt nothing i mean i treat life like the luck of the draw and im not saying this in a bad way but im kind of glad that we did end when we did. I mean i was in one of those relationships in where everything went wrong. we fough we made up we laughed til our sides hurt and well cried. but towards the end we kept fighting and we were not going anywhere. I will admit this im not sad about it at all. In actaul fact im kind of relieved if anything.

But if im being honest here he kind of half killed me that day. he more or less admited that i shoould get back together with him as i would not do any better. But i will tell you one thing. i could never ever settle for 2nd best or even go back into my past and well settle for that. Coz i know at the end of the day i know that i have good support network of friends and family who would like to see me happy. But i think my own mid is made up in what im going to do next.  

I think in having this alone time it has really made me think in what i want and what i need. Now i know what i want and what i need and i certainly dont mind waiting at all.  its just a matter of waiting for the right time and place and being with the right person.

 

 

Before you read my blog I really think you should take 2 mins out to check out dressed as a girl but it carry’s a strong message in how use girls are not treated all that fairly for when it comes to our every day lives. You can than see that im working with a theme here for today’s piece.

So as you may or may not know its international woman’s day. So today is the day for the lovely species that is the all singing all dancing female sex. I mean I have to its pretty damn awesome being a woman. I mean we can do pretty damn amazing things. I mean we can well have friendships that can last from childhood that go well into adulthood. We can take in new friends and welcome them into our fold like their were our long lost buddies. We can also meet potential mates and than maybe just maybe marry the guy or girl. More importantly we can have as many children as we want. We can also have the ability to keep a house clean keep every one satisfied that may live in the household. But do know what I find pretty damn amazing for when it comes to my ladies. Well the ability to cope with any given task that is thrown to us. I mean I have seen and done it all when it comes to all things life wise and I have to say well we are pretty damn awesome.

But I have to say that while I simply gush over the fact that women are awesome sometimes were are the unsung heroes for when it comes to every day life. Many women that I know do have a lot of stuff to do. I mean running a house looking after children and going back to college is not an easy task but I know a few women who have done this and I have to say that I am simply in awe of how they do it. I know a really good friend of mine who is not only doing a physiology course but also is a full time mum to her little boy and is also working part time when I hear things like this im just simply lost for words. But I have to say not every1 life is dealt a good hand. I do remember a few years back I worked in a all female environment and I have to say this and I think sum people will not like me saying this at all. But some girls can be ruthless and in some cases mean as hell. I mean when I worked for this certain company it was hard at times to say the least but thankfully I raised above it and made it a personal mission not to partake in silly or stupid childish games. But I think now that I look back it actually made me stronger and it has also made me the person that I am today.

But if I’m really being honest here I must prefer working in a male dominated environment. I mean like I was a bit of a tom boy growing up and when I hit my late teens early 20s I started to work in the bar trade. Now working in the bar trade is such a blast I mean the fun I use to have with working with my guys was such a laugh. I would also roll with my boys for when it came to working in the bar but we always made the time to have a laugh after we finished work. But apart from working in the bar trade with a large group if males. I have worked in different areas and I have to say I know that now that I can have a laugh and a joke with my guys. But I think at the end of the day when it comes to both sexes I think that I have the up most respect hmm for both sexes if im being honest. I think if anything men and women have equal talents for when it comes to not only how we work rest and play but also we do know how to sort out our every day challenges that the world might throw at us. I mean if anything im being honest here I don’t know how to change a tire on a car nor do I know how to fit in a smoke alarm or even pro gramme my dvd player so yeah im not ashamed to admit it I just sometimes well call the well stronger sex when it comes to things like that.

But I have to say if anything what does kind of shock me really is the way that some rules are never ever going to change for use girls at all. I mean being in the job that I do I dont get paid much but as far as I know a man will get paid more so than me. I also know that if I do decide to well have a child and raise a child alone that I could have the odds stacked hugely against me in not being trated fairly and there is many many other issues I could bring up but im choosing not to and also I really dont have all day in raising up such subjects. I mean at the end of the day I do know a few things mainloy about myself. Im truly talented and mutli skilled. I can literally do 5 tasks altogether at the same time. ( I have experience in doing this from my waitress days). I am also good at science and problem Solving. Again this is a really good skill to have under the belt for every day life. I can also be rational patient compassionate non judgmental and very very kind. I can also well be there for my ladies and gents in times of not only having a ball on nights out. But I also make sure to be there for both my boy friend’s and girlfriends in times of sadness and woe. So if anything in by admitting to this am I a good person to have in your life. Well I like to think that I am. I also wanna dedicate this piece to all my ladies you know who you all are you I just simply love and adore each and every one of you. You girls rock and thanks for being there for not only thru the rib roaring side splitting good times but its also good to say that many of you were there for me thru my own times of sadness loss and long slow agonizing crying hours spend in woe.